Adventures in Autism

Our dear Charlie started school a few weeks ago. Thus far, he loves it. He was a little nervous about getting on the bus the first day, and Josh did call me at work almost in tears, but by the next day Charlie was happily bounding up the school bus steps, realizing where this lumbering yellow contraption was about to take him. His teacher is wonderful, they are continuing to work on PECS with him, and he hasn't acted out aggressively towards other students.

Josh: Hey, Charlie, guess what? Charlie: Silent, but curious.

Josh: You're starting school today.  Charlie: Silent and stunned.

Charlie actually sat through Sacrament Meeting on Sunday (well, "sat" may not be the right word, but he was quiet and calm for most of the hour and Josh didn't have to take him out -- first time in a very long time). If this is the only benefit that we get out of Charlie going to school, it will be worth it. Of course, we already see other benefits. Charlie said, "chair" yesterday, for instance. He's interacting more. He actually looked at pictures I pointed out to him yesterday. And he just seems happier.

Of course, we still struggle. Charlie "says" a lot, but mostly nothing we can understand. He gets upset or sad or frustrated or hurt and we don't know what's going on or how to help him sometimes. He still eats plants and dirt when he plays outside, which leads to interesting diapers. When we went to his school's open house last week, he wouldn't look at his fellow students or his teacher. He did sit and do a Cars puzzle over and over and over again, however.


Charlie has also resumed a habit I hate -- paper chewing. He's been tearing corners off of paper towels and occasionally pages of books and just chewing and chewing and chewing away on them, until I see him and he spits it out into my hand (which is a big improvement over biting down on my finger as hard as he possibly can).

And Charlie's newest thing is pretty scary. He's learned how to climb to the top of the chifferobe (a combo dresser/bookshelf/closet thing) in his and Katie's room. The other night he fell asleep on top of it and then fell off. Of course, he had been playing with toys before climbing the furniture, meaning that he fell on top of toys. And then the wobbly shelf he had been laying on came crashing down on him. This all happened behind closed doors very late at night, but we heard Charlie wailing and jumped up to help him. He had a bloody and bruised lips and scratches on his cheek. He cried harder than he has in ages. We cleaned up the blood and I just hugged him tight (he likes tight hugs best) and scratched his back (another favorite thing) and told him it was okay and kissed him until he calmed down and we could put him back in bed. (In Katie's bed, because he still won't sleep in his own.)

The one thing I can say about having a child with an ASD, it never gets boring around here.

P.S. Charlie is just a beautiful little boy, right? He makes my heart happy. 

CDA Presents . . . An Opportunity for Me to Hang Out with My Sisters

Twice a year, the California Dental Association (my place of employment) has this huge event called CDA Presents the Art and Science of Dentistry. This takes place in Anaheim in the spring and San Francisco in the fall. Ever since I started work at CDA over four years ago, I’ve been told I needed to go and work the event at least once just to see what it is like. It is the largest source of non-dues revenue for our association and we have about 25,000 attendees for the show in Anaheim and about 17,000 for the show in San Francisco. There are over 100 lectures/workshops/symposiums, etc. offered where dentists, hygienists, assistants and office staff can receive continuing education credits and a huge exhibit floor with hundreds of vendors promoting their products. I’ve always wanted to go, but never been able to. Our department is too busy in the fall for me to work the show in San Francisco and I’ve missed the Anaheim show due to: being too new of an employee, being pregnant/giving birth the same week of the convention, celebrating Charlie’s first birthday, and being on maternity leave after Fitz was born.


But this year, I was determined to make it there. I actually started talking about it a whole year in advance to anyone and everyone in the meetings and conventions department, as well as to my manager. (If you don’t work in the department that runs the event, you have to get permission from your manager and then you have to be selected out of the many employees who volunteer to go to the show.) I would like to tell you that my main motivation in going was to experience this critically important part of our association’s work, but that would be a lie. My main motivation was: Disneyland. Every employee who works CDA Presents gets a free twilight ticket to Disneyland. And we all know that I am obsessed with Disneyland.

Then in September of last year, I received some news that made me more determined and excited to get to CDA Presents in Anaheim than I ever could have imagined – two of my amazing sisters, Amy and Rachel, were planning to take a trip to Disneyland the exact same days of the show. What?! I’m telling you right now, it was providential, there is no doubt in my mind.

So after much stress that I would not be among the staff chosen to go to the show this year (they had a ton of people volunteer to go and had to turn a lot of people down), I finally received word that I would be going and gave the good news to my beautiful sisters. They arrived in Anaheim just hours after I did, they stayed at my hotel and we spent the evenings hanging out and having a blast. During the day, they hung out without me, while I worked on my feet for most of the day, starting at 6:30 a.m. Whew! But can I admit something kinda sick to you? I actually enjoyed working. I loved doing something different than what I normally do, the opportunity to get to know other CDA staff that I’d never really spoken to before, and being able to help and see the thousands of people who keep me employed.

So, that was a super long introduction to what was a great trip. Here’s how it went down for me:

Wednesday – Arrived an hour late in Anaheim. (Southwest has not been good to me lately.) Grabbed some lunch at Baja Fresh. Walked over to the Anaheim Convention Center for a tour and staff training. (Training is a term I use lightly, since there wasn’t much of that and I just kinda had to flub my way through the next three days. It was still fun, though.) After training was over, called Amy and Rachel who left Downtown Disney to come meet me at the hotel and drop off their things in the hotel room. Within three minutes of being together, I almost lost control of my bladder. Knew right then that the next few days would be awesome. Went back over to Downtown Disney and looked at all the things I couldn’t buy, but wanted to. Drove over to TGI Friday’s and used my gift certificate to help pay for our dinner and dessert. Felt pleased I could finally use the gift certificate since all the TGI Friday’s around here closed about a year ago. Went to Target and bought a swimsuit and a pair of board shorts. Went swimming in a very cold pool and quickly discovered I really shouldn’t have gone a size up on the board shorts when I discovered Target was out of my size. Got in the hot tub and tried to ignore all the drunken strangers who were in there with us. Went back upstairs and talked and laughed until we finally all fell asleep, way later than we were supposed to.

Thursday – Worked at the Information booth from 6:30 am to 3:30 pm. Wondered over and over again why they: a) would put a first-timer at the Info desk and b) did not give me the information I needed to do a good job. Still had fun and the temps I worked with were awesome. After work, booked it to the hotel to change clothes then did some mean speed walking to meet up with Amy and Rachel at Disneyland. Met them outside of Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln and took some pics to further commemorate my childhood humiliation at that show.

Did 9 rides in 4 hours, despite growing crowds and a broken down ride. Got to ride several things I didn’t get to when my family went to Disneyland in March. Spent a lot of time dreaming about going to Disneyland with Josh in November for our anniversary. Took some night shots of Amy and Rachel outside the Indiana Jones ride – one way too light, the other too dark. Darn!

Shut down the park on Indiana Jones. Nearly died of laughter, thanks to Amy, who I think may be the biggest goofball I know. But a great driver. Took some pictures outside the Mickey flowers. I like this one because it’s very hard to tell that I am 70 pounds overweight.

Walked over to Mimi’s Café for dinner. Ate enough to choke an elephant, but not enough to stop me from ordering a sundae from room service once we got back to the hotel. Eventually fell asleep.

Friday – Worked the info booth again, this time 6:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. Thought a lot about how I do not own one single pair of comfortable work shoes. Went back to the hotel in a vain attempt to take a nap before heading over to the CDA Membership Party at California Adventure. Too anxious to sleep. Got ready really early and then walked over to the park. Able to get in a little early – woo hoo! Met Amy and Rachel at a restaurant in California Adventure where we all got delicious corn dogs for dinner. Booked it over to Paradise Pier to get some fast passes for California Screamin’ and get in line for Toy Story. Toy Story was closed!! Waited around despite continuously being told by cast members not to. Paid off when ride reopened and we got on in about 10-15 minutes instead of the 45 minutes to an hour we probably would have waited otherwise. Got my booty kicked by Amy and Rachel on a ride that is essentially a carnival game. Concluded my aim has not improved with age. Went over to the Maliboomer, which I happily rode with Amy. (Well, happily, except for those few moments right before the ride started when I said, “Why am I going on this?” about three dozen times to Amy, who was already a little nervous about the ride herself.) Remembered that the Maliboomer is awesome and not nearly as scary as it looks. Went over to California Screamin’, where I was a “Backseat Betty.” Noticed how enormous and flabby my arms are when I saw the picture from the ride. Went over to Tower of Terror to shut down the park with Amy and Rachel. Liked that picture a lot better.

Said goodbye to them as they made their way back to Disneyland and I stayed at California Adventure for the Membership Party. Park closed to the public and only a few hundred people at the party = you can get on rides pretty easily. Wasted too much time talking to co-workers and getting a drink of water before finally heading back over to Tower of Terror. Rode that and then Monsters Inc. with a co-worker and her sister. Ditched them when they decided to be lame and not go on more rides. Booked it over to Soarin’ Over California, where I ran into a bunch of the volunteers (dentists who serve on committees at CDA) I work with. Remembered that Soarin’ just makes me happy. What a great ride. The smells alone are worth it. Went over to Grizzly River Run, despite the fact that it was about 60 degrees and dark outside. Convinced my committee chair to go with me. Noticed we were the only two people in line for the ride. Got to listen to committee chair swear as we went down hills and braved the rapids. Got much, much wetter than my committee chair. Had a blast. Ditched my committee chair who went to Monsters Inc. Watched Muppet Vision 3D. After the show, had about 5 minutes until the park closed. Walked my tushy off to make it over to Tower of Terror. Party of 1? Check! Rode in a row by myself in a car full of strangers and still had a blast. Met Amy and Rachel out front of the park and took some pictures at the California sign.

After catching the CDA shuttle back to the hotel, picked up the truck to go to McDonald’s drive thru. Survived pick-up attempt by two drunk guys who asked where we were going. To our husbands, I told them. Laughed about all the funny things we could have told them we were going to go do. Got Mickey D’s and stuffed our faces some more after an exhausting couple of days. Went to bed way too late.

Saturday – Woke up sick to my stomach. Barely made it to work on time at 6:30 a.m. Missed the staff breakfast but didn’t care. Worked registration, which was much easier than the information booth, but we weren’t busy that morning. Worked until about 1:15. Walked over to the Marriott to meet the Super Shuttle. Flight was delayed out of John Wayne Airport. Wandered around and ate an early dinner so I wouldn’t fall asleep waiting for the plane. Eventually made it home to the joy of my husband and children. Cried at how excited Charlie was to see me. Ended up holding all three of my littlest children on my lap at once. Spent the rest of the weekend laying on the couch as much as I could.

So that was my trip. It was sooooo much fun. The one thing that would have made the trip better would have been to have all the Geer siblings there. We seriously need to plan a siblings trip to Disneyland some day. Everyone save up! :)

Charlie’s 3rd Birthday

Charlie turned three on May 3rd. We had an extremely lame party for him, which I feel bad about. I was totally disorganized and I didn’t even frost the cake I made for him. And you’ll probably notice from the pictures that he and Fitz are both just in their diapers and Kate and Alek are in their pajamas. Oh well. Here are some pictures anyway:

At first, Charlie was somewhat interested in opening his presents. He actually ripped part of the wrapping paper off this present.

Charlie quickly lost interest, however, and we had to keep putting him back in his chair to force him to experience having a really lame birthday party.

Eventually, Charlie’d had it with opening presents. Fortunately, he only had a few to open and we could move quickly on to cake.

Josh helped Charlie eat his cake. No one seemed to mind it was unfrosted. Actually, I like cake without frosting and it’s definitely not worth frosting a cake if the frosting you have is not very tasty. And I did not have tasty frosting in the house. We wouldn’t let poor Fitz have any cake; see him in the background looking longingly at all of us as we chow down without him? We’re mean.

Alek and Katie had fun, at least, and were happy to celebrate Charlie’s presence here on earth, especially since cake was involved.

I Am Obnoxious

It used to be, not so long ago, that I felt quite proud that I am obnoxious. I would have trumpeted the fact from here to Zimbabwe without a hint of remorse or regret that I was so. Because, to be honest, I felt that it was only the perception of other (lesser) people that I was obnoxious. People who were wishy-washy in their beliefs and opinions; people who wouldn’t know how to defend what they believed if their lives depended on it; people who were just wrong while I was right and were angry at me for being so. (You can’t know how it hurts to acknowledge how judgmental and prideful I can be.)
But recently I have learned a valuable lesson: I am, in reality, not just perception, obnoxious.

Now, I am not all the time. Certainly not. But there definitely are times that I am and far too many, I fear. And it has not turned out well for me, not at all. Because there are people who I should be a help to, people I should be able to love and serve and make a difference to, but I can’t because my obnoxiousness has driven them from my life.

Let me just state, first and foremost, that I know it is unequivocally important that I continue to stand up for things that I know to be right. I cannot be timid about doing so. And no matter how kindly I do so, by standing up at all, there will be people who dislike me, who find me obnoxious. And that, frankly, is their problem.

But I have realized some important things recently:
1) I need to learn to take a stand in such a way that doesn’t shut down conversation or make people feel like I am belittling them or their views. I do know how to do this, because I can recall having done it from time to time, but I far too often let my passions get aroused and slip into being overbearing, intimidating and kinda jerky.
2) I have far too many firm opinions. I mean, I have firm, unmovable opinions about everything – how big a person’s house should be, the maximum amount of money you should ever spend on a pair of shoes, whether or not baby girls should have their ears pierced, etc., etc. It’s okay for me to have these opinions for myself and what I want to do with my life, but why do I have such firm opinions about these things where other people are concerned? While I believe in absolute truth, are there not conversely many situations and areas in life in which there is no one right answer? And don’t my own firm opinions end up changing from time to time?
3) I have opinions about things I know little to nothing about. In all honesty, there is nothing in this whole world that I am an expert on and there are too many subjects where I have a little bit of knowledge and jump right to making up my mind about stuff before gathering enough information. Because I am intellectually lazy and I don’t want to gather a bunch of knowledge. I want to know a little bit and then make a fool of myself, apparently, when asserting my opinions as incontrovertible fact. As Alexander Pope said, “A little learning is a dangerous thing.”
4) I think when we have such passionate, strong opinions about everything and we talk about everything as if it were vastly important and we know we are so right about it, it diminishes our credibility and the power with which we can speak to what we do know, for a fact, to be true.
5) I really should have spent more time listening to, paying attention to and working on emulating my mother as I was growing up. I had a wonderful conversation with my mother yesterday. She is so patient and kind with me, very forgiving and encouraging, positive and optimistic and just a good, kind soul who loves people. And she is what I want to be – a person who knows what she knows, but knows what she does not know and is interested enough in other people to not just let them speak, but to ask them questions and try to learn from them.

6) Ultimately, I think the only way to know the truth about anything is to study it out, pray about it and have the information confirmed as true by the Holy Ghost. The things I know I know – that is how I have come to know them. But what good can I do for others with this knowledge if my manner is off-putting?

So I am looking to change. The first step has been taken – I realize the need to change. The next step is to pray for help and to seize opportunities to practice a different way of being. I know (this is one of those things I know I know) that if I let Him, Christ will help me to be different, to make this one of many changes to be made in my journey of becoming a new creature through the atonement of Jesus Christ.

My Hometown

Just in case you needed another reason to come see me.

What is Jessica Thinking?

Well, I'll tell you. I've been thinking a lot about liberty and the necessity of a moral society in order to maintain liberty and about how liberty is not at its core a political principle, but a spiritual one, an eternal principle. I actually plan to write an entire missive about it one day, because I think this is a truly important idea. And I love liberty and I want to keep having it and I want all of you to have it too.

So I've also been reading about liberty and morality and the Constitution and about cultural decline, etc. So I thought I'd share a few articles with you. I don't always agree with every single point these authors are making, but I thought these were good articles and food for thought at least. One of these is rather long, so you'll need to set aside a good chunk of time to read it.

I'll get back to sunnier, happier posts soon -- hopefully this evening.

http://article.nationalreview.com/433513/the-cultural-preconditions-of-american-liberty/christopher-wolfe

http://article.nationalreview.com/433444/the-constitution-at-last/charles-r-kesler

http://article.nationalreview.com/433811/hurricane-west-cornel-west-and-american-radicalism/david-horowitz

http://article.nationalreview.com/433925/the-moynihan-report-and-ongoing-family-breakdown/rich-lowry

Charlie, You are Mine

Dearest Charlie Tuna,

You were born at 12:04 a.m. on Thursday, May 3, 2007. It was one of the sweetest, most joyful moments of my life. Thank you for sharing your sweet spirit with me these past three years. I look forward to many more years of being blessed by the wonderful person you are. I love you.

Mom