Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Sigh, Sigh

The saddest thing about living in Northern California is that I am away from my family. It is always hardest during the holidays.

The saddest thing about living in a tiny house in Northern California is that I don't have room to put up guests, so no one in my family will ever come visit me. This is why Josh and I need to make more money, so we can live in a big enough house where I can have people come stay with me. I wonder if they would come visit if we did have a bigger house.

I am terrible at making and keeping friends. Have I ever mentioned this? I think I have. And then I feel a little lonely because, although I have my best friend here (Josh), sometimes I need other friends, too. My family always did a great job of filling that hole where friends should go. But they're not here and I'm not there. So sigh, sigh, poor me. I miss my family.

Most of the time I am used to it. But I've been missing them a lot lately and it is sure to get worse as Christmas approaches.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

A Non-Pictorial and Brief Update on The Barkers

First things first, if you've seen Katie or if you're a friend of mine on Facebook, then you know she cut her hair. Mommy and Daddy have been trimming Mommy's bangs at home since the hairstylist (if she so can be called) destroyed Mommy's hair a few weeks back. I guess Katie decided to trim her bangs as well. Unfortunately, she cut not just her bangs, but a huge chunk of hair out of the side of her head, too. Fortunately, the damage is not obvious. I guess I should be grateful that Kate's hair is always an uncontrollable mess.

And I have no idea why that news had to go first.

Second, lest you think I am the world's worst excuse for a mother, I love Charlie to bits and would not trade him for the world. Sometimes, I am just overwhelmed by worry and grief for my little boy. And for myself. Maybe mostly myself. I am too utterly selfish as a human being and especially as a mother. But I adore Charlie. I would not want to be without him.

Third, I am glad the House of Delegates (a work thing) is over. I could explain the House of Delegates to you, but you would fall asleep almost immediately if I did. This year's house was much harder than previous years' -- at least for me. But it is thankfully over. And I got a ridiculous hat out of the deal, which I will have to post pictures of later.

Fourth, Josh is the hardest working man in my house. He was up until 3 am last night working on the cover page for the first issue of Kaci Hansen Presents. I need to calculate how many hours he spends start to finish on each page he creates. He is getting paid well below minimum wage, poor thing. Honestly, I think he's making third world money. But he has a writer who is so excited to work with him on another project, that he already put out a press release saying Josh was going to be the artist for his project, even though Josh knew nothing about it! Josh is trying to figure out if he will have time to do both KHP and Fangs, which is the new project. If so, that would be great, but I don't want him to kill himself trying to work on both those projects and his own original book. Another cool piece of news: Josh is probably going to have a table at SacCon (Sacramento Comic, Toy and Anime Show) in March where he will be signing autographs. I think Josh is getting a good start in this business finally and I hope he continues to have success. I also hope no one will think too badly of him for the type of stuff he is drawing. They're horror comics and there are immodestly dressed women. I don't think he's doing anything to be ashamed of, but I am envisioning bad reactions from others. So don't expect me to send you all copies of his first KHP issue.

The kids are all doing well. Fitz continues to try to stand on his own, which he can do for several seconds at a time. He is also trying to walk along the furniture, but is not doing too swell at that. He still doesn't seem to care much for solids. I think we may need to hurry past the baby food stage and get some things in his mouth that he can actually chew. I have a parent-teacher conference at school today for Alek. I hope it's not a disaster.

That's the update. It wasn't very brief.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Self-Inflicted Torture

I signed up for the Babycenter updates for each of my kids when they were babies. You get newsletters telling you about their stage of development and what kinds of behaviors are common, etc. I got a newsletter this morning for Charlie, all about the things I will hear him say that will demonstrate how he is making connections, etc. Of course, what I hear Charlie say is all gobbledy-gook that I can't understand, except for the occassional "no" or "mom" (I do like that one). Getting these newsletters just makes me depressed about everything Charlie can't do, which is entirely the wrong focus and one I drift toward often enough without these newsletters popping up in my e-mail. I think it's long past time to unsubscribe.

These newsletters are also making me freak out about Fitz's lack of consonants. Daily, I deal with the fear that Fitz will have autism, too or some other disorder that will keep me from being able to communicate with him. Every day I worry that he will never talk to me. Last night, Josh and I were watching Fitz happily playing and listening to him squeal and I said, "I hope Fitz is . . ." and then I stopped. Because I was about to say, "normal." And I hated myself for even thinking that word. And I cried.

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

I'm on Reuters

Okay, I'm not, but there is a story on there about the award we won for the conferences I work on. I realize that there are like millions of stories a day that are on Reuters, but still, pretty cool.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Happy Birthday, Big Haircut!






Katie,

Thank you for being my daughter. I love being your mom and am so glad you have been with us these last four years. I look forward to many more years with you and your sassy personality.

Love,

Mom