Tender Mercies

Charlie came to greet me at the door today and wanted me to pick him up. It was awesome.

Katie has decided she is a big girl and has been using the potty today. Unfortunately, she just sneaks off to the bathroom and does her business and then comes back into the living room buck naked from the waist down, without having washed her hands. She is really exerting her independence, so getting her to let us back into the process is going to be difficult. But at least she wants to use the potty! One less in diapers would be great -- and cheaper!

Charlie has an appointment with Alta Regional in a week and a half, which means we are on our way to figuring out a treatment plan. All of this has moved so much more quickly than I hoped.

I enjoyed reading my sister's blog and discovering that my nephew received the perfect attendance award. I am so happy for him and it filled me up to know that he was able to accomplish the goal he had set for himself.

Fitz is a sweet baby, with a calm temperament and an easy smile. We can lay him down on a blanket and he'll just chill, looking around, cooing, kicking his legs, waving his arms and smiling.

For some reason, the phrase "the tender mercies of the Lord" jumped into my mind about 20 minutes ago, when I first decided to write an update. Then for some reason, I decided to google tender mercies. And I found this. And I read it and knew I was being granted another tender mercy. I am thankful for it and for all the tender mercies I have been experiencing lately.

The Diagnosis

Charlie has PDD-NOS.

More details to follow.

Update: So basically, I don't feel like going into this right now. I was feeling okay about this, because it's about what I was expecting honestly, but all of the sudden I'm starting to feel quite upset. I'm overwhelmed, I feel utterly incapable of being a mother to my "normal" children and have no idea how I'm going to deal with everything we need to do for Charlie, I feel like my life is a total mess and I feel like it's completely beyond me to make all the changes I want to make and to be the person I want to be. I don't want to work with a case manager, because I don't want anyone scrutinizing me or my family. I don't want to spend the rest of my life having conversations with people about why Charlie is the way that he is and hearing their theories about what caused his disorder (which somehow always come back to me screwing up) and getting their unsolicited advice. I especially don't want to have these conversations now. I am trying to process all this and frankly there is a bit of grieving I think I need to do. So I need some space. You all know the diagnosis; when I'm ready to talk about it, I'll let you know. And yes, I realize I invited all this conversation when I started revealing the details of our worries and the diagnosis process. But I'm sick of conversation right now.

I'm currently having a lot of negative thoughts, so I am going to stop writing.

Josh is watching Brian Regan and his laughter is making me smile. I love his laugh. Also, I love Brian Regan. He's hysterical. "Man, these bananas are good!"

Charlie is Two

Once upon a time, there was an infant named Charlie. Charlie was a big baby. I mean, he was big. Check it out.

He was also a very happy baby. And he slept through the night at 6 weeks old! He was pretty much the easiest baby to take care of ever.



Charlie grew bigger and stronger, sitting up, crawling and walking ahead of schedule. The boy loves to move! One day he also discovered he loved the camera.






About three weeks ago, Charlie turned two. I know it's cliche, but the time really has gone by so fast. We had a little birthday party at home for our Charlie Tuna. We attempted to make cupcakes look like tuna cans for his party. I don't know how successful we were, but it was pretty fun. Josh made the wrappers on Photoshop. I think they turned out pretty cute.




Charlie seemed to enjoy his party. He got to try to burn himself on his candles; he got to try to unwrap his presents, only to have Kate and Alek get completely impatient and open them for him; he got a new book to eat, I mean, read; and he got to make a mess of himself eating a cupcake. All in all, a good night.



Charlie is a light in our family. He is adored by his big brother and sister and he thinks they're pretty great, too. Josh and I feel blessed to have this sweet little angel in our lives and look forward to many more birthday celebrations for our Tuna.

Very Belated

So two months ago, I took some video of my kids wishing their Aunt Heather a Happy Birthday. I just barely got around to downloading the video on my computer. So, here it is, very late -- Happy Birthday, Heather!

Don't Know Anything Yet

The appointment yesterday consisted of me filling out paperwork for an hour and a half, the doctor giving me some paperwork for lab work we need to get done on Charlie and setting up an appointment for his evaluation on Tuesday. So I'll know something on Tuesday afternoon, I think.

Our good friends had their son, who is about 2 months older than Charlie, evaluated at the clinic yesterday and he was diagnosed as having a Pervasive Developmental Disorder, although not autism. She was pretty devastated by the news, because she really didn't think he had anything more than a language delay. If Charlie is diagnosed with Autism or some other PDD, though, it will be nice to have someone here who I can talk to about it who and go through it with.

Anyway, I'll update everyone next week once we get a diagnosis.

News of Charlie

The nurse practitioner called me today and we had a good chat about Charlie. She asked me more questions and got more information from me about Charlie and his behavior. Based on the assessment answers we provided and the additional information I gave her, she is referring Charlie to the Autism Spectrum Disorder Clinic at Kaiser for evaluation. She emphasized that this did not amount to a diagnosis. The assessments are used primarily to figure out whether or not a child needs to be evaluated and what tools will be most effective in doing so.

The NP anticipates that we'll hear from the clinic in about a week or so. They will call us and will probably also send us a packet of more forms to fill out. She is also sending us a letter with some information and told me to call the county again. The county is really busy and they actually encourage parents to call if it's been more than 3 or 4 days since they left a message at their offices.

One interesting thing the nurse told me is that it's common for children with speech delays to act the age that would normally correspond with their speech level. For instance, if a two year old child says about 3-5 words, then their behavior will be that of a 12-15 month old. I had never heard that before; I thought that was interesting.

So we don't know anything, except that we're not crazy for thinking that Charlie should be evaluated. But at least we've got things moving. I'm trying really hard to be patient, but it's very difficult for me. I just want to know what it is I'm facing so I can start figuring out how to deal with it. I hate waiting for answers. Oh well.

Update: Well, that was fast. I talked to the NP at 2:00. The ASD clinic called us at 3:30. They scheduled an appointment for Charlie tomorrow afternoon at 2. We're trying to figure out child care tomorrow so we can go.

Quote of the Day

From C.S. Lewis, "Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience."

I read this quote in the book, Liberty and Tyranny by Mark R. Levin, my Mother's Day present from Josh.

Charlie Update Explained

We filled out a couple of assessments upon the recommendation of our pediatrician -- although, I would have asked him to fill them out if he hadn't recommended them. Charlie at the very least has some kind of language delay going on. It seems most likely to me that there is also something else going on. It could be autism or an autism-related disorder, but it could be something else. Josh and I aren't exactly experts, but forunately, we have someone who is looking at the assessments we filled out for Charlie.

According to my pediatrician, the child development specialist at Kaiser would score the assessments "right away" when she received them and then get back to us. I sent in the assessments about a week and a half ago and haven't heard anything. I also called the county agency and left a message letting them know my pediatrician had recommended I call them. I haven't heard back from them either. I'm going to e-mail my pediatrician today and see if I can get contact information for the specialist or at least get a better idea of when we might hear back from her.

The specialist might want to bring Charlie in for more testing or she might recommend a specific course of action to us based on our responses to the assessment questions. Even if we go into Kaiser for more testing, I think we will probably eventually have to get help from the county and/or state agency. There are a lot of different ideas about how to treat children with autism and no one course will fit every child. My guess is there are as many approaches as there are people with autism and probably several things will need to be done in concert for the ultimate result. Olivia mentioned food allergies -- particulary wheat/gluten allergies -- in her earlier comments. Some parents and doctors have noticed positive changes in children's behavior and development after adjusting their diet. Will we do that with Charlie? I honestly don't know. I don't know if Charlie is even autistic yet, so I can't really figure out right now what the best course of action is. Josh and I will study it out, talk to people far more knowledgeable than us, consult with each other and make decisions prayerfully about how to proceed once we have a diagnosis. I'm trying to be open-minded so I won't discount anything that might help.

Whatever is going on with Charlie, Josh and I are thrilled to be his parents. He is one of the most adorable creatures on earth, sweet, and a lot of fun. He is an angel, as Josh always says. He is a very important part of our family, and we are blessed to have him.

Update: The NP from the child development center called us this afternoon, but Josh was feeding the baby and he missed the call. She is supposed to call us back tomorrow.

Charlie Update

No word from Kaiser yet about Charlie's assessment sheets. Supposedly, he said "baby brother" in Nursery yesterday, according to his nursery leaders (I guess one of them said it first). I wasn't there, so I don't know for myself that he said it. I'm a bit of a doubting Thomas about that, I guess.

However, tonight when I was putting him to bed, I asked him "where's Jesus?" and he pointed to Him in a picture we have hanging in the dining room. I asked him again when we passed by the picture we have hanging in the hallway and he pointed at Him again. That's big for Charlie. It's been a long time since he pointed at all and he never has done it much.

So maybe he's making some small leaps forward. And maybe not. Who knows? I'm just happy for every time I know for sure he understands, because he shows me he does.

Time Heals Everything

If you had asked me 10 minutes ago whether or not it was worth it to have children, even when they start up a habit of taking off their diaper and then pooping, necessitating a thorough showering of said child, washing of blankets, sheets and stuffed animals, and spraying, wiping and sanitizing his crib, I am not sure what I would have said.

Then I came downstairs and Charlie climbed into my lap and started bouncing and laughing and all was forgiven.

Poor Me

Should I be hurt that no one has commented on my blog for a while? Well, I am. Sorry my content isn't exciting enough for you to comment on. WAH!! :(

Articles of the Day

Sometimes something sounds like a good idea, but once it's put into practice it turns out that it wasn't such a good idea after all. Sometimes once a bad idea is put into practice, it's very hard to root it out. When I was younger, I thought socialized medicine sounded like a great idea. Of course, I had a serious lack of understanding back then and a very naive worldview. Nowadays, I could list at least a dozen reasons why socialized medicine is a terrible idea (socialized anything is a bad idea, btw). But instead of using what little energy I have formulating intelligent arguments against what is a very, very bad idea, I will direct you here and here.

I understand the desire we have to "fix" healthcare -- there are tragic stories out there and it's right not to want people to suffer. The thing we need to realize is: socialized medicine will not "fix" anything. It will make things worse. That is what we can gleam from the results of its implementation in other countries. Of course, with Obama in the White House, I think we're going to get it. And I'm already pretty scared by what we've been getting from Washington these past few years and especially the last few months.

Ghost Riders in the Sky

I loved Mark Steyn's article on his song of the week, "Ghost Riders in the Sky." This song will always and forever make me think of my dad and I found the history behind the song fascinating. BTW, I personally like Marty Robbins' version the best of the ones I've heard.

My Angel Mother

My mom:

selfless
kind
sees the best in everyone
optimistic
practical
hard working
intelligent
spiritual giant
one of God's valiant servants
beautiful
funny
pillar of strength
slightly imperfect
the best mom in the world

This song has always made me think of my mom, even though the lyrics don't fit her biography perfectly.

Angels by Julie de Azevedo

She was a girl just a young girl at nineteen
When she left behind her the life she had known
Got all dressed up in white oh to be a new bride
And set out to make a house a home

When she found herself she was drowning in laundry
Up all night and driving all day
And every few years she would come up for air
In between lessons, carpools & PTA

But the angels They carried her
Through the fire and the rain
And the angels They carried her
From the end of her rope to the end of her day
And the angels They sang to her
When she thought no one was there
She had wings and prayers
Looking back it's clear
She was touching heaven all those years

By now you would think that her house would be empty
'Cause most of her children have grown up and gone
I'll be the first who would say that I can't stay away
From that woman who gave me my first birth and my first home

'Cause the angels have carried her
Through the minutes and the days
And the angels have carried her
To a strong and wise and noble place
And the angels still sing to her
And I join them in their praise

'Cause the angel that carried me
Til I saw the light of day
Is the angel that carried me
Through the years of laughter, joy and pain
And the angel she sang to me
So I knew someone was there
I had wings and prayers
Looking back it's clear
Oh so clear
I was touching heaven all those years

I love you, Mommy. Thanks for being the example I have always needed and for giving me so much more than I could ever hope to deserve. I miss you every day and can't wait to see you this summer.