On the Day You Were Born

I woke up before the sun on August 19, 2011 to get ready for a 5:15 a.m. induction appointment at Kaiser Roseville. You were a week late and I was more than ready to meet you. (And to stop being pregnant, because it was not at all fun at that point.) As I was getting ready, I began having contractions. They were irregular – sometimes two minutes apart, sometimes 15 – but they were there and I was hopeful that I would have a short labor and easy delivery.

Grandpa Gene came over to stay with your brothers and sister, and Daddy and I were off to the hospital. It seemed like the admittance process took an eternity, but finally I was escorted to my room. The nurse talked to me about the plan for induction and my desires for the birth. I gave her my birth plan and she noted that I didn’t want any drugs during labor and delivery. She asked me if I had any pain management techniques in my arsenal and I told her not really. She taught me some breathing to do and helped me through a contraction. My contractions continued, becoming more regular and more painful.

Alek's Priesthood Ordination

On July 10, his 12th birthday, the Aaronic Priesthood was conferred upon Alek and he was ordained a deacon. His father, Papa, Granana and father's friend, Kyle, came here to see him ordained. I was so nervous about them coming. I was afraid everyone was going to be uncomfortable and I knew Josh was dreading seeing Jared. I wanted so badly for the day to be a positive one for everyone, especially Alek -- something we could all look back on and feel positive about. I wasn't sure how it could happen, but I prayed for it.

Josh had to give a talk in Sacrament Meeting that day (on family responsibilities, of all things), which was adding to his trepidation. I prayed for Josh a lot that morning, since he was really the one person having a hard time dealing with the "reunion."

It ended up being a day of miracles. Josh gave a wonderful talk. He was warm and funny and sincere and shared his testimony. I was overwhelmed with a feeling of love for him as I listened to him. And I was grateful that Jared and his parents had an opportunity to see more of who Josh really is. (Also, there was one point during the talk at which Josh spoke louder than anyone I have ever heard speak from the pulpit. It was shocking. It's not really a part of the miracle, just funny.)

The ordination itself was really good. Some powerful and enlightening words were spoken. I am so glad Alek has made it to this point in his life and am looking forward to him growing as a young man towards adulthood and seeing who he will become.

After the ordination, we said our goodbyes to the Wests. Josh was so friendly and at ease. He shook Jared and Kyle's hands and said we'd have to stop by and see them if we ever made it to Arizona (my jaw almost dropped at this point). Later I found out that Josh had earlier in the day come across Kyle in the hall and introduced himself and had a little chat with him. What?! I was amazed.

All in all, it was a happy, amazing, wonderful day. I left church with a full heart and a huge grin on my face. The Lord heard and answered my prayers (and Josh's too -- he told me he knows he couldn't have done what he did without heavenly help) and gave us all sweet memories to look back on. I am so grateful.

What a Difference 9 Months Makes

Alek and Katie on their first day of school:

and on their last day of school:

Summertime 2011

Sprinkler time at the Barkers. Pictures taken while Alek was in Arizona.

Kate and Jane's Room

So I've started purchasing/collecting items for Kate and Jane's room. I have two white photo frames (with multiple spots for photos) that I am going to put black and white photos of the two of them in, along with some black and pink decorative somethings. I have a wreath frame that I am going to wrap in black and white fabric and figure out some pink accents to throw in there. I purchased a bedding set for Katie today, except the sheets are that pink with white polka dots and I just bought black pillow cases and I bought this decorative pillow. Hooray for gift cards! I also found some perfect pink curtains, but will have to buy those online since they were not in the store.

I also found crib bedding for Jane online that I am going to get with my Walmart gift card. Have I mentioned how much I love gift cards?

I have a white wooden "J" that I got at my work baby shower, so will find a "K" and put those up in the room. I bought some black fabric storage boxes to put Jane's clothes in.

I'm so excited to finally have the chance to make a cute room for at least some of my kids -- to really do some decorating. I'm sure I should be saving these gift cards for more practical items like diapers and wipes, but I just can't help myself.

Pentathlon 2011 Pictures

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My Pentathlete

Every year, 5th graders from  Waldorf-based schools all over Northern California come together for a Pentathlon at Live Oak Waldorf School in Meadow Vista. They separate the kids into 4 city states, 55 kids in each one. Alek was able to participate this year and he had an amazing time. He was in Athens.They started off the day with the gods coming out to open the games. Each child had to write an ode to one of the gods and read it aloud before they could compete.

Then the games began, city states rotating through each area. There was a 50 yard dash, a 200 yard dash, discus throw, long jump and javelin throw. They did different heats and the winner of each heat moved on to the finals. There were laurel wreaths for 1st, 2nd and 3rd place and two for the competitors with the best "beauty and grace" -- the best form. Alek had fun competing and watching his friends compete, but he really wanted a laurel wreath. The kids practiced these events for a couple of months before the Pentathlon and Alek knew that the javelin throw was his best event. But it was also the last event of the day for Athens and poor Alek was exhausted and sunburned by that point. He still managed to do well. He won his first heat and so was in the top 6 for distance. Unfortunately, he was so worn out by the time he threw again that he didn't put much effort into it and he didn't place in the top 3. So no laurel wreath for him.

Or so he thought. But then he heard his name being called. He won one of the two wreaths for beauty and grace. He was so happy and so proud.

My pentathlete at home, the victor with his spoils:

 More pictures of the event posted in the Shutterfly album in the next post.

Josh's Proof

On May 2nd, Josh deep cleaned Katie and Charlie's room, getting rid of a lot of toys the kids don't play with, and reorganized the toy cupboards in the family room. Katie and Charlie's room looked nice, for once, so Josh had to get some proof of all the hard work he'd done.

Easter 2011

Easter was pretty calm this year, as usual. Josh and I invited his parents over for dinner on Easter Sunday. On Monday, we did an egg hunt for Family Home Evening. Once again, we did not dye eggs. I just can't bring myself to do it -- too lazy and too much wasted food since we don't eat hard boiled eggs at my house. Charlie was not interested in looking for eggs, just like every other year, but it seemed like Fitz was starting to catch on to the concept a little bit and was enjoying himself. Photographic evidence of the holiday follows.

My kids in their Easter best, although Fitz and Charlie were not at all interested in posing for pictures as these were taken after church and they were starving and restless:

The strawberry lemonade cake I made for Easter dinner.

FHE egg hunt:

Charlie just wanted to eat the candy

The Barker Kids

Charlie's 4th Birthday

Charlie turned 4 on May 3 and we celebrated his birthday a few days later with just our little family. This picture pretty much sums up how Charlie felt about the entire birthday party experience. Celebrations of this type are not usually Charlie's favorite thing anyway, but we got started late (which is why all my kids are in their jammies) so it was worse than usual.

Charlie has never seemed to me to be very interested in cake. Sure, he likes to play with the frosting, but he doesn't seem to like to actually eat it. But he loves, loves, loves M&Ms. They're pretty much his favorite food. So I thought I would make him a giant M&M cookie instead of a cake. Seems smart, right?

I realize Charlie wasn't turning 2, but this was the only candle we had in the house. Prepared I was not. 

Charlie didn't think a cookie was so smart. He wanted to eat the M&Ms and was super frustrated they were encased in a huge cookie. He was not pleased. He didn't eat one single bite. The other kids enjoyed it, though.

Charlie also wasn't very happy about opening presents. He doesn't really get the whole opening presents thing anyway, but he was super crabby by this point.

He did enjoy his presents however. We got him a hoppity ball and shaving cream. Yep, shaving cream. We put it on the shower doors and walls so he can play with it while bathing. He loves it. He loves the hoppity ball too, but he figured out how to take the plug out and deflate it, so it's in our room waiting to be pumped up again.

So Charlie's party was not a smashing success, but that's okay. Honestly, I doubt Charlie's ever going to love having a party thrown in his honor. If we gave him what he really wanted, we'd let him run around outside naked or sit on the bed in his room with the door shut while he chews on his alligator toy. That'd be Charlie's ideal birthday.

But despite the non-festiveness of our festivities, I was happy to celebrate Charlie being on the earth for four years. He's a delightful, frustrating child. He has taught me so much and continues to teach me every day. He is mostly happy and fun and loving, but when he's not it sure makes life interesting. Charlie took a moment on his birthday to climb up into my lap and lay his head against my chest, just like I held him that night he was born. I love being able to go back to that time and place in my mind and remember how connected I felt to this little boy, how overwhelmed I was with emotion and with feeling with 100% certainty that he was mine and meant to be mine. And I still feel that way often, when his face lights up and he babbles with delight when I come home from work or when he lets me just hold him and scratch his back. I'm privileged to be his mom.

Charlie on his actual birthday

Jealous?

I have taco salad shell molds. They're awesome. You just preheat the oven, spray a little non-stick spray in the molds, put a tortilla in each and bake for about 7 minutes. Perfect taco salad shells. Jen's taco meat recipe was sublime in them.

Handsome Young Man

Alek and his classmates decided to have a dress-up day at school -- everyone was supposed to wear their nicest clothes. Alek even let me do his hair. They had a competition -- one boy and one girl were each chosen as having the best outfit. Alek didn't win, but he didn't care too much. I think he should have won. Just look at him!

To Do What I Care About

I don’t care about that. That’s something my Katie says when she doesn’t want to do something – I don’t care about that.

I’ve been feeling that way a lot myself lately. Mostly about work. There’s a Regional Leadership Training next March that needs to be planned? I don’t care about that. There are leadership applications that need to be processed? I don’t care about that. There are association management software vendor demos to be attended? I (really) don’t care about that.

It’s difficult spending eight hours a day doing things you just don’t care about, especially when there are so many other things you do care about that are not getting done at all.

The thing is, I have a great job. I work with people I really like. I get paid well and have great benefits. I’m appreciated and admired by fellow staff and the volunteers I work with. And I used to enjoy the work itself. I like finding speakers and drafting brochures and streamlining processes. Or I did. But lately, I have not been enjoying it at all.

It started in late March, just a week or two after the conclusion of our highly successful Leadership Education Conference. I worked really hard planning and preparing for that conference for a year and a half, and onsite I worked even harder. I came home exhausted and happy. It went well, it exceeded my expectations. We came back to the office and compiled the event evaluation information and confirmed that the weekend was a smashing success. Our numbers were higher across the board – especially in programming, which was what I cared about most.

But then came the springtime lull. It happens every year. Things slow down to an excruciatingly dull pace for a couple of months. I have hardly anything to do. Which gives me a lot of time to think. And think. And think. I think about my life and my children and all the things I want to work on and improve. I think about the ways I want to be involved in my children’s lives. I think about how I want to get my house organized. I think about the life I’d really like to have – Josh and I both work from home, him drawing and me writing, and we work together to take care of the kids, get them to and from school, volunteer in their classrooms, go on field trips. And we have time to work with Charlie individually and help him progress. And I don’t have to go back to work when my baby is only six or seven weeks old. And Josh and I make dinner together and our family works on chores together. And our household runs smoothly.

I understand that is a fantasy. But it doesn’t make me want it less.

And while I think about all the things I want to be doing, and I think about how my family needs me to be at home, I also think about how pointless everything I do at work is. Yes, the conference was a huge success. So? I mean, it made me look good here, helped me get a raise, blah, blah, blah. But what good did it do anyone else? Was the conference some huge, important, life-changing event? Does the work itself really matter? Is it of any lasting importance? No, it’s not. Meanwhile, the work of eternity is going on in a six-room house in Fair Oaks, California without me. And that’s what I want to be involved in – the work of eternity, the work of God.

Last night, we attended my nephew’s eighth grade graduation at which they presented a slide show of the kids’ school experiences starting in Kindergarten. Sitting there, I saw pictures of all the things I have missed out on – Harvest Festivals, May Day Festivals, the Pentathlon, working on school plays, field trips. And I looked over at Alek. In just a few years, we’ll be attending his eighth grade graduation. And I don’t want to watch a slide show of his years and know that I was never a part of anything he did at school. I told him how bad I felt that I had missed all these things he’d done and he assured me it was okay. And maybe it is for him, but it’s not for me. I didn’t have children so I could miss out on their lives, on their childhoods. I want to be there.

I feel guilty about how little I care about work and my lack of gratitude. I have a great job in a terrible economy. My family is greatly blessed by my employment. It puts a roof over our heads, food on our table, clothes on our backs, gas in our cars. It pays for the field trips that I can’t chaperone. It gives Josh the opportunity to work on his craft and get his career off the ground. And it makes it possible for Josh to stay home so that at least my kids have one parent who can be there at all the crossroads of their lives.

So maybe I am selfish. Maybe it’s selfishness that is making me so cranky about being here when I want to be at home. Maybe it is all about what I want, rather than what my family needs from me. Maybe they don’t need me to be at home. The kids are happy and healthy. Things are fine. They’re good, even. But I’d like to believe they would be better if I were around. And even if it is selfishness, I know that I at least would be happier. Because being there for them – that’s what I care about.

Fitz is Two

So despite my protestations about not doing catch-up posts, I have to at the very least write about the birthdays so far this year.

Fitz turned two on March 29 and we had a little get together at our house to celebrate. I made a dirt cake for the party – chocolate cake, crumbled oreos, chocolate pudding all in a sand pail, dished up with a toy spade. Fitz was a big fan of the cake, mostly of making a mess with it. (Actually, everyone made a mess with it. I had chocolate cake crumbs all over my carpet when the party was over.)

Fitz and his dirt cake

Fitz gave a few half-hearted attempts to open his presents, but was mostly content to let Dad and Katie do the work and just enjoy what was inside.

Opening presents

He loves this truck and the tools that came with it

Another present the boys fight over -- Fitz's colorful 100 words book

He loved all of his presents (and still enjoys all of them now, three months later – quite an accomplishment!), but he really loved his big blue bouncy ball. So did Charlie. And Katie. Fighting ensued, mostly between Fitz and Charlie. There was a lot of fussing and crying. We decided we needed to purchase more balls for the kids to play with.

The fight-inducing bouncy ball

We had a good time, even though my tiny little house was packed to the gills with people and we were all a little warm because of it.

Fitz is a delightful little boy. I worry about him sometimes because he isn’t really talking, but he seems to me to be bright (and I know at least he is not autistic since he is developmentally on target in every other way). He’s got a great smile and is loads of fun. He loves to tackle people and be in the mix of everything that is going on. He’s determined and stubborn and happy and energetic. He makes funny faces when you try to give him food he doesn’t want to eat and gives a great shake of his head and says, “no!” It’s super cute and I will try to capture it on video before he stops doing it. Fitz loves to play outside and ride in the car and go to the store. He loves to play with light sabers. He loves the cartoon Spectacular Spiderman, which he will sit and watch with a silly grin on his face, but then say “ow” and fall down when there are fights or explosions. He is starting to try to sing and sings along to theme music, hymns, and the radio. He even sang a song of his own creation in his crib the other night.

Fitz being adorable

Recently, I’ve really enjoyed seeing Fitz’s relationship with Charlie blossom as they are starting to get along better and not fight as much. At Sam’s Club the other day, they were sitting in the front of the cart together and kept putting their heads on each other’s shoulders and babbling to each other and laughing and rubbing each other’s arms. It was totally precious.

His determined face

Fitz is just an awesome little boy. He is so cute and fun and brings so much joy to my life. I’m very fortunate to be his mom.

Cutest picture ever

Sometimes, It's Hard to Remember That I Love My Children

Yesterday was a difficult day at church. Charlie was having a rough time of it. He is doing better in Sacrament Meeting and it has miraculously been quite a while since Josh has had to take him out. The downside is that Primary seems to be getting more difficult for him. He hates Sharing Time. He especially hates it when his regular teachers aren't there. And one just moved and the other is only there about half the time. :( I'm the music leader and he hates that I am up there leading music instead of paying attention to him. And he is hungry because we have church during lunch time. (Which probably means I should start bring snacks for him, which has never occurred to me until right now as I was typing this. Wow. But in my defense, they normally have snacks for him in class.)

Charlie has basically gotten to the point where someone has to hold him and walk around with him during all of Sharing Time. And I feel bad having other people do it, since he's not their kid, but they have to for at least part of the time because I am up there leading music. But then I try to do it. The kid weighs 40 pounds. I am out of shape and almost 7 months pregnant. It's not easy to carry him around for long. But I try to do it anyway. He tried to bite me twice on Sunday. He was really mad. I thought he would be better in class. But there were substitute teachers in his class and he didn't know them. And they didn't have any food. Just a lesson with some pictures. Not even a craft. They were not prepared at all to deal with Charlie. But I had to go lead music for Senior Primary. I left the room with Charlie on the floor crying. I told the subs that if Charlie didn't calm down, they should either take him to Nursery or go get Josh. I saw one of the subs walking Charlie in the hallway as I led the music. (They did eventually take him to Nursery, where he happily ate a banana and macaroni and cheese and played with puzzles.)

In the meantime, I was trying to deal with the Senior Primary kids. They were acting like they normally do, but I was not prepared to deal with it this week. I was so tired and sad from dealing with Charlie. And the kids were all just talking and goofing off (they have no respect or consideration for me or any of the other teachers) -- including Alek, who had to be separated from the other kids and then when he was put back with the other kids, decided he needed to police the kid sitting next to him. He wasn't singing, so Alek was trying to get him to sing. The boy kept motioning like he was going to punch Alek every time Alek "encouraged" him to sing. Then Alek got mad and decided to try to kick him. I literally moved over to him and grabbed him by the arm and made him go stand in the corner in the middle of the song I was conducting. Then after singing time was over, I took him out in the hall and read him the riot act and cried. Next Sunday is Alek's last Sunday in Sharing Time in our ward. He'll be leaving to visit his dad for a month and won't be back until the weekend of his 12th birthday, when he'll be going into Young Men's for the third hour. There literally has not been one single Sunday since I have been in Primary that Alek has behaved well during Sharing Time. It's very discouraging. And he's been in trouble twice at school lately because of his temper and outbursts. I don't know what to do with him.

Then, as we were finally leaving, I passed by one of Charlie's subs and his family. I overheard them talking as I approached, the dad showing his little boy where he got bitten on his hand by one of his students. His little boy (the same kid who Alek tried to kick in Primary, by the way) got very upset and was like, "Which kid did this? I'll kill him! No one hurts my dad!" At this point, I was right in the mix with them and the dad started speaking in Spanish, I guess thinking I wouldn't understand what they were saying, trying to spare my feelings (because he's really a very nice man). I know enough Spanish to know that he was telling his son that it was okay because the child who bit him was special.

I got into the car exhausted and sad. It was one of those Sundays where I wanted to shout, "I'm never doing this again!" But then Katie wouldn't be able to give the scripture and opening prayer in Sharing Time next week and she would be devastated. She squealed with delight when her name was announced after the assignment slips were pulled from the mailbox. And even though it's pretty rare these days that I feel spiritually uplifted by my experiences at church, we'll keep going. Because we need to and I need to and it won't always be like this. And because even though they make it difficult sometimes, I do love my children and I know they need to be at church.

Confession Time

I don't want to write any catch-up posts. The idea completely bores me. And frankly, I can't even remember what has happened these past several months of my life. I was supposed to write about December in my next post. Here is what I remember about December 2010 -- we had Christmas. We decided to simplify the gift giving which was absolutely the right thing to do. My in-laws let me put together and run a Christmas Eve program at their house. It was nice. The end.

Which is not exactly true, but I am just not excited at the idea of revisiting each month from Dec. 2010 to May 2011 in excruciatingly boring detail. So sue me. Pictures from that time frame are posted on Facebook. They tell a lot of the story.

One other important thing from December -- I confirmed I was pregnant. With Jane. She's cute. Her pictures are on Facebook, too. She'll arrive sometime around August 12.

But now it's time for true confessions -- within the past two weeks, I have turned into a total Drop Dead Diva addict. (I can picture my sister, Jen, cringing right now as I write about a TV show. I know, it's lame, but bear with me.) I always wanted to watch it, but we got rid of cable not too long after it came on TV and I dodged the bullet. But then Season 1 ended up on Netflix Instant and I finally caved and watched it -- the whole season in like two or three days. Which is just sad. And then I looked online and found out all of the season 2 episodes were on the Lifetime site. And I got through them really fast. Okay, again, I admit -- sad. This is a horrible waste of my time. I've been doing a lot of that lately, unfortunately.

Anyway, the premise of the show, if you don't know, is that this aspiring model dies in a car accident, but her soul comes back to earth in the body of a short, overweight attorney named Jane and she has to adjust to a new body, a new life and deal with working with her beloved, who doesn't know she is hanging out in Jane's body. You can see why this would appeal to me. But it's just gotten me thinking even more about weight and body image issues, which I think about pretty much constantly anyway. Because it's always in my face and because my doctor is on my case about the weight I've gained while pregnant and because I am happy to be a big fat pregnant lady instead of just a regular big fat lady because I feel much less embarrassed and ashamed to leave the house than I did 6 months ago but also unhappy because I feel like I can't do anything about my weight right now and everything I have been trying to do to keep my weight down has apparently been a huge failure since I have now gained 13 pounds this pregnancy and I just feel like giving up.

So Jane is a big girl. Overweight is a generous term as it's pretty obvious to me that, medically, she is obese. She is also very pretty, an amazing singer, smart, kind, and great at her job. In addition to watching the Season 2 episodes, I've also been reading the comments that people have posted about certain episodes. For a while there, Jane was dating this cute guy and one of the commenters posted something about how they thought this guy was so great because he could look past the outer shell and into the heart of a woman.

And I cannot tell you how much that comment bugged me. Why is there this assumption that if you are overweight or fat or obese or whatever that no man in their right mind could possibly ever be physically attracted to you, but only want to be with you because he was noble enough to look past the outer shell and find out that under all those layers of fat there's a heart of gold? That's just nonsense and it frankly does not make a big girl like me feel very good about herself. I realize that most men are not physically attracted to large girls, but that doesn't mean no man is. Maybe this guy dating Jane didn't have to look past the outer shell at all, but liked the outer shell and who she is as a person, too. Is that so unbelievable? It shouldn't be, because it happens. It definitely happens.  Ask Josh. He's quite attracted to me and he dated and liked other big girls long before he ever met me. And I don't think Josh is the only guy in the world who feels okay with big girls.

Some other commenter felt the need to berate the show for showing big as beautiful and promoting an unhealthy lifestyle and portraying thin as "bad" (which it totally doesn't do, by the way). Here's my response to that -- blah, blah, blah.

I live in a world that basically tells me every single day that I am a deeply flawed burden to society because of my weight. People make a bunch of assumptions about me and my health because of my weight. I mean, come on -- I don't even want to leave the house because I am afraid of what people think of me when they see me. It's ridiculous. And it's wrong. A little over a month ago, a brother in our ward gave a talk about the Word of Wisdom. He was talking about when he was a young convert and the only member in his family and he came to church every Sunday smelling like cigarette smoke because his sister was a chain smoker and how some other people in the ward, it seemed to him, were bothered by it and were perhaps judging him because of it. He talked to his bishop about it and his bishop said something like, "Can you imagine how much the chapel would reek if all of our sins smelled like cigarette smoke?"

And that's how I feel about being fat. Yes, I have a weakness when it comes to food and exercise and it means that I don't look the way I would like to or how other people apparently would like me to. But can you imagine how hideous we would all be if all of our weaknesses and sins took a toll on our physical appearance like a weakness for fatty, sugary foods does? If the worst thing you have to say about me is that I eat too much and don't exercise enough, I'll take it (although, frankly, it means you don't know me that well). In reality, I have much more serious issues I need to work through in order to become a better person, things much more important than losing the 60 pounds that I need to. And I am willing to bet that if I were 60 pounds overweight the rest of my life, but served and loved my fellow man, lived a life of faith, kept the commandments, took care of my family to the best of my ability, and took advantage of the atonement of Jesus Christ by repenting and relying on His mercy, that I could still make it to the Celestial Kingdom. I'm not trying to excuse myself from acknowledging and working on my health issues; I just want to propose that perhaps we as a society (and many members of the Church are guilty of this) have become disproportionately concerned about weight and physical health as opposed to other things that should concern us much more. Society overlooks, excuses and praises a multitude of sins and immorality, but if you're a fatty, well, that's just bad, bad, bad. I'm over it.

But not really. But I am trying to be. Because I think focusing on my weight is a distraction from the things I really need to be focusing on -- I am not loving and serving my fellow man as I should or keeping the commandments as well as I should or taking care of my family as well as I should or seeking the kind of relationship with my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ that I should have. And those are the things that truly matter. Those are the things that will make me a worthy person. Those are the things that will make me beautiful. Even if I am fat.

The Rest of November 2010 -- Catch Up Post 1

So I am woefully behind on chronicling my exciting life. For shame.
In November, I travelled to Beverly Hills for CDA’s annual House of Delegates. This was my fourth (and last) trip to Beverly Hills for work and the first time I wasn’t pregnant in BH. (That would come about a week after I returned from my trip.) The meeting went well, but the most important thing about work travel is having some time to bond with co-workers. And I definitely got to do that. Two highlights to note:

1) I finally made it over to the LA Temple grounds. There was no time for me to do a session, due to my work schedule, but I did manage to drag my department colleagues to the grounds and the Visitors Center. It was nice to be able to go and enjoy the Spirit there and also share a bit more about who I really am with these ladies I’ve been working with the last several years.

Admin Services Girls at the LA Temple

Me in front of the Family statue at the LA Temple grounds

2) I got to spend a lot of the time on Saturday talking to one co-worker in particular, Olga. We conversed for hours while covering the office desk on a very slow morning, and I truly enjoyed getting to know her better. She and I have very similar values and I learned a lot of interesting things about her life in Estonia and her childhood and her move here to California when she was 14. She’s really a great person.

I also did the typical trying out of a new restaurant (LA Food Show – yummy!) and visiting old favorites (Roni’s and The Farm) and going to Rite Aid in a completely silly mood and trying to keep slimy guys away from Olga and going to the President’s Party.

Admin Services Girls plus Dawn and Bill at LA Food Show -- delish!

Admin Services Girls at The Farm of Beverly Hills

There was one irritation: Olga loves to take pictures. Lots and lots of pictures. Do you know how hard it is to stay happy taking seemingly endless numbers of pictures while standing next to your literally 100 pound, gorgeous beyond belief co-worker when you look like me? It’s not awesome, let me tell you. I resorted to being silly. The kicker was when Olga asked a colleague from another department to take pictures of us and she basically spent 10 minutes berating me for not looking good in any of the pics she was taking. I soured on the party, went to my room and cried.

Me, Olga and Kim at the President's Party

Me and Olga, after I decided to stop trying to look good

Other than that, a great trip.

An even better trip, however, took place the next weekend. Josh and I gave Katie her birthday present – a trip to Monterey with just Mom and Dad. Friday after work, we drove down to Salinas and stayed the night in Grandma’s little house, which is so cute with all the renovations almost completed. Katie loved it and basically wanted to stay there forever. Having her own room to sleep in was like heaven to her.

Kate in "her" chair -- everything in the house was hers!

The next morning, we drove over to Monterey and visited the aquarium (courtesy of annual passes Grandma bought for all her grandkids, which include two free adult passes each time the child visits – we love Grandma!). The aquarium was awesome and Katie loved, loved it, but bummer of all bummers – the Outer Bay exhibit was closed for renovations. That is the coolest part of the entire place, so we were all a little sad. But it was still amazing. Kate loved looking at the sharks, the octopus, the rays, the jelly fish, the seahorses. She was not a huge fan of the sea otter exhibit, though. What’s wrong with her?!

Katie, looking at sharks and having the time of her life

In the kids' area at the aquarium

After the aquarium, we walked around Cannery Row and window shopped and had lunch. Then we drove over to Asilomar Beach and did some rock climbing and tide pool exploring. And then we drove home. A short trip, but a great time and experience for all of us – way better than any toy we could have gotten Katie, for sure. And the boys were pretty good for Aunt Doreen, who graciously babysat them and our house while we were gone. She rocks!

Katie and Mommy, after Katie climbed this rock and then jumped into my arms



This rock was kinda high and far out there. Katie would only have done this with her Dad.



Josh and Katie looking at tide pools



In November, we also celebrated Thanksgiving. The less said about that, the better.

Josh and I celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary on November 28th. I know we went out to dinner, but remember none of the details. That is what happens when you put off blogging for 6 months. Oh dear!

December post coming next. Hopefully, I can remember something from then . . .

What Does It Take to Make a Family?

Each year, I get to celebrate being married to my favorite person in the entire world twice -- once on our wedding anniversary and once on our sealing anniversary. We were sealed on December 30, 2004 in the Oakland Temple, one year, one month and two days after we were married. Every December 30, we make a trip to the temple, either to do an endowment session, sealings or both. It's always a special thing to be in the temple together on the day we began our eternal family. Both our wedding day and our sealing day were filled with sweet, wonderful moments and I often reflect on the significance of those days in my and Josh's lives.

This week, I've also been thinking a lot about the significance of those days to this guy:

Alek's father left me when Alek was 5 and a half months old. Consequently, he left Alek. Of course, I've never talked about it in that way to Alek. Alek's dad loves him and tries hard to be involved in his life. They have a good relationship. Alek enjoys talking to him on the phone and going to visit him. It's always been important to me to nurture Alek's relationship with his dad, even though his dad does so many things I disagree with. Because kids should be able to love their parents. I never wanted him to feel abandoned by his father. I always have tried to shield him from the heartache of divorce as much as possible. During those years between the end of my first marriage and the beginning of my eternal marriage, I feel like I was a pretty good mom. Alek thrived and was happy. I longed to provide him with a different type of home and family, one where there was a father and a priesthood holder and where he would grow up with the example of a healthy, happy marriage and could have siblings. But in the meantime, I felt like I was doing okay. Additionally, I had the support of both my family and Jared's family. Alek had excellent role models in his grandfathers and his uncles. And I felt that Heavenly Father made up for a lot of what was lacking. We were blessed.

And then along came Josh and a whirlwind courtship and a new man in Alek's life.

When Josh and I got married, we told Alek he could call Josh anything he wanted, as long as it was nice. I think we'd been married three days when Alek first started calling Josh "Dad" (much to Jared's chagrin). This was the first indication of how much Alek felt he had been missing out on. As time went on, Alek began to love Spiderman and sports and drawing -- all of Josh's greatest interests. There was a fairly long period of time when every single time Alek would play a make-believe game, he would take the name Josh for whatever character he was playing. And then several months ago, it happened. Josh and I were arguing and Alek started to cry. "I don't want you to get divorced. I don't want to not have a dad again."

Of course, Alek has always had a dad and always will. And as I said, his bio-dad has always made efforts to be involved, to demonstrate his love and concern. But Alek's comments confirmed what I always have known to be true, but have tried not to overemphasize for the sake of Alek's feelings -- that it's not enough. It's hard to say that in this day and age. I feel guilty saying it. I know there are so many good people out there who are raising their children separately and they love and adore their children and they're doing the absolute best that they can. And divorce sometimes is a better option for a family than a couple staying together. It was in my and Jared's case, mostly because Jared had completely given up. But I am so glad I got the chance to start again and to give Alek what I had -- parents who are married, who love each other, who love you and who are there every single day. Although there are many out there who will not have that and many of those individuals will still turn out okay (or awesome, like in the case of my mom), Alek's life, his behavior, his reactions make it clear to me what has been revealed to be true: A whole, intact family with married parents -- a mom and a dad -- is the best thing for kids. And it's what we all want, deep down. We must all know that it's true, deep down, even though it's not PC to say it.

The funny thing is, Alek and Josh have a difficult, tumultuous relationship. They are often frustrated with each other. They're not very much alike at all, despite Alek's desire to love everything Josh loves. (Although, I've been told by Josh that they get along much better when I am not around. And I am pretty sure I know the reasons for that.) But even with all the struggles they experience because of each other, Alek recognizes that Josh is his real dad. And he never, ever wants that to change.

On November 28, 2003, Josh, Alek and I became the Barker Family. And on December 30, 2004, we made it eternal. And although Alek does not legally share our name and is not sealed to me and Josh, I truly believe he is a part of our family, here and through all eternity.

A mom and dad who love each other, who love God and who live up to their covenants the best they can -- that's what it takes to make a family, one that lasts forever.