Sometimes, It's Hard to Remember That I Love My Children

Yesterday was a difficult day at church. Charlie was having a rough time of it. He is doing better in Sacrament Meeting and it has miraculously been quite a while since Josh has had to take him out. The downside is that Primary seems to be getting more difficult for him. He hates Sharing Time. He especially hates it when his regular teachers aren't there. And one just moved and the other is only there about half the time. :( I'm the music leader and he hates that I am up there leading music instead of paying attention to him. And he is hungry because we have church during lunch time. (Which probably means I should start bring snacks for him, which has never occurred to me until right now as I was typing this. Wow. But in my defense, they normally have snacks for him in class.)

Charlie has basically gotten to the point where someone has to hold him and walk around with him during all of Sharing Time. And I feel bad having other people do it, since he's not their kid, but they have to for at least part of the time because I am up there leading music. But then I try to do it. The kid weighs 40 pounds. I am out of shape and almost 7 months pregnant. It's not easy to carry him around for long. But I try to do it anyway. He tried to bite me twice on Sunday. He was really mad. I thought he would be better in class. But there were substitute teachers in his class and he didn't know them. And they didn't have any food. Just a lesson with some pictures. Not even a craft. They were not prepared at all to deal with Charlie. But I had to go lead music for Senior Primary. I left the room with Charlie on the floor crying. I told the subs that if Charlie didn't calm down, they should either take him to Nursery or go get Josh. I saw one of the subs walking Charlie in the hallway as I led the music. (They did eventually take him to Nursery, where he happily ate a banana and macaroni and cheese and played with puzzles.)

In the meantime, I was trying to deal with the Senior Primary kids. They were acting like they normally do, but I was not prepared to deal with it this week. I was so tired and sad from dealing with Charlie. And the kids were all just talking and goofing off (they have no respect or consideration for me or any of the other teachers) -- including Alek, who had to be separated from the other kids and then when he was put back with the other kids, decided he needed to police the kid sitting next to him. He wasn't singing, so Alek was trying to get him to sing. The boy kept motioning like he was going to punch Alek every time Alek "encouraged" him to sing. Then Alek got mad and decided to try to kick him. I literally moved over to him and grabbed him by the arm and made him go stand in the corner in the middle of the song I was conducting. Then after singing time was over, I took him out in the hall and read him the riot act and cried. Next Sunday is Alek's last Sunday in Sharing Time in our ward. He'll be leaving to visit his dad for a month and won't be back until the weekend of his 12th birthday, when he'll be going into Young Men's for the third hour. There literally has not been one single Sunday since I have been in Primary that Alek has behaved well during Sharing Time. It's very discouraging. And he's been in trouble twice at school lately because of his temper and outbursts. I don't know what to do with him.

Then, as we were finally leaving, I passed by one of Charlie's subs and his family. I overheard them talking as I approached, the dad showing his little boy where he got bitten on his hand by one of his students. His little boy (the same kid who Alek tried to kick in Primary, by the way) got very upset and was like, "Which kid did this? I'll kill him! No one hurts my dad!" At this point, I was right in the mix with them and the dad started speaking in Spanish, I guess thinking I wouldn't understand what they were saying, trying to spare my feelings (because he's really a very nice man). I know enough Spanish to know that he was telling his son that it was okay because the child who bit him was special.

I got into the car exhausted and sad. It was one of those Sundays where I wanted to shout, "I'm never doing this again!" But then Katie wouldn't be able to give the scripture and opening prayer in Sharing Time next week and she would be devastated. She squealed with delight when her name was announced after the assignment slips were pulled from the mailbox. And even though it's pretty rare these days that I feel spiritually uplifted by my experiences at church, we'll keep going. Because we need to and I need to and it won't always be like this. And because even though they make it difficult sometimes, I do love my children and I know they need to be at church.