Friday, May 31, 2013

Hard Headed Woman (or Dreams Do Come True)

I love Pinterest, mostly because I can save all the recipes, crafts, party ideas, etc. that I will never use without cluttering up my house or my hard drive. I also love it because sometimes you find funny things on there. Like a link to this boyfriend quiz which I blogged a little bit about before. I love to talk Josh into answering questions like this. I know he doesn't enjoy doing it, but he complies with my wishes because he's awesome and I'm persistent. And sometimes whiny. But I also really like to know the answers.

I was especially interested in finding out how he would answer question #5: What are the qualities you like in me most? I expected a smart aleck answer at first, because that's pretty typical from Josh. Then I was planning to prod him into seriousness and was hoping to hear about how smart, kind, and funny I am. But instead I got this:

"I like that you're opinionated."

"What? Seriously?"

"Yeah. You have a backbone. You're not going to let someone walk all over you. And you're interesting. People who don't have opinions or who keep their opinions to themselves are boring." 

"Okay. I guess that's okay."

But I'm actually not sure if it is. On the one hand, I'm touched. And relieved in a way. Because on the other hand, I've been accused all my life of being opinionated -- and accused is the right word there. It's not really ever been said to me in a positive light. It's usually accompanied by "closed-minded", which I prefer to think of as having the courage of my convictions. I used to like this stubborn outspokenness about myself, but over the years, it's lost some of its charm. It's cost me a lot. The older I get, the more I try to hide it away. 

So I have mixed feelings about being told by my husband that this is one of his favorite things about me. Especially because it was the first thing he said. Over the next few months, I don't dwell on it exactly, but it pops up every now and again in my mind.

On the way home from work today, I listened to a CD I haven't heard in several months. As I exit the freeway, just a few minutes from home, track #7 -- one of my very favorite songs -- comes on. Back in my divorced, single mom days, I would listen to this song and think that I wanted a man who felt this way. Because I always felt the woman being sung about was me. As the perfect voice begins, it clicks. A huge grin appears as I hear:

I'm looking for a hard headed woman, 
One who will take me for myself, 
And if I find my hard headed woman, 
I won't need nobody else, no, no, no. 

More than a decade ago I told two young men, including one I was head-over-heels for, about my dream of finding a man who felt this way about me. They didn't get it. They felt the song was a bit of an insult. 

But as I listened to the words today, I thought, "This is Josh. This is how Josh feels about me." 


I'm looking for a hard headed woman, 
One who will make me do my best, 
And if I find my hard headed woman 
I know the rest of my life will be blessed -- yes, yes, yes. 

It got more perfect as it went on, talking about what he's had and doesn't want -- the manipulative, the shallow, the phonies. The kind of people Josh completely despises.The kind of people who drove him out of California and into Arizona and my life. 

And as Cat Stevens sings, "I know my life will be as it should," all I can think is "yes, it is. "

Closing in on 10 years of marriage, I think I've finally found our song. 

P.S. See the man with the perfect voice singing this song here. And shout out to my brilliant sister, Heather, for introducing me to his music. 



1 comment:

Jen said...

but the question is, "how does Josh feel about Cat Stevens?"