To The Rescue

This is the story of three rescues. 

Rescue # 1: This weekend was Gold Rush Days in Old Town Sacramento. Once I found out about it, I knew I wanted to take the family and see the gun fights and pan for gold and listen to the old timey music played by live bands and see the ballroom dance troupes perform period dances. They cover the streets of Old Town in dirt. How can you not want to go to that?  The problem is, of course, that taking our kids anywhere is a challenge and that Charlie can make it especially challenging, just depending on how he reacts to what you're doing. And you never know how he is going to react. Josh really didn't want to go, but he knew it was important to me. So we loaded up the kids in the car and began the drive to Old Town.

Charlie started crying as soon as we hit the freeway. I kept thinking he would stop. We couldn't even begin to guess what he was upset about. Josh wanted to turn around and go home, but I convinced him to press on. My sister-in-law, Doreen, wanted to take her family too, so we'd made arrangements to meet up there. I didn't feel like we could just turn around. Plus, I wanted to at least give it a shot -- maybe Charlie would calm down.

We parked at the downtown mall. Charlie cried as we put him in the stroller. Charlie cried on the elevator. Charlie cried in Macy's. I got Charlie out of the stroller and carried him. Charlie cried all the way through the mall and the tunnel that leads to Old Town. Then Charlie saw the horses pulling wagons and stagecoaches through Old Town and he stopped crying. He loves horses. I thought we'd be good from then on out. We met up with Jon, Doreen, Lukas and Josselyn and headed out into the streets of Old Town to try to see what we could see. There was a gun fight going on. As soon as Charlie heard the first gun shot, it was over. He started crying again and wouldn't stop. Josh'd had it. He hung back with Charlie and Fitz while the rest of us took in the gun show, but then he wanted to go. I felt terrible. Katie and Alek were so excited to be out doing something new and fun and to be with their cousins. I didn't want to have to take them home.

Jon and Doreen offered to keep Katie and Alek with them so they could enjoy the festivities. This was very good, because it alleviated some of my guilt and also because Katie had started crying and I think Josh's head was about to explode from having to deal with fussy children. Katie and Alek stayed and enjoyed Old Town for a while, then their nice aunt and uncle took them swimming at the amazing Folsom Aquatic Center.

We did get a few pictures of Gold Rush Days before we left.

Josh and I headed for home. Charlie and Fitz fell asleep about 10 minutes into the ride. So Josh and I took a drive.

After a while, Charlie and Fitz both woke up and were in much better moods. So Josh and I took them to Target, just to walk around. Charlie loves Target. He was happy and smiling and squealing with delight. Fitz was relatively subdued and serene. Bless his heart.

Some background to what I've been feeling before I tell you the next rescue story:

Every once in a while, I have a breakdown about the fact that Charlie has autism, and lately I've been having another one. It's just hard, you know? He's been getting poop everywhere, which is just about as much fun as it sounds. He's getting more set in his ways, more particular about food and clothes and where he goes and sounds he can stand and people he wants to be around. And people are starting to stare more, to be rude and judgmental more. His autism is becoming more obvious as he gets older, and he looks even older than he is, so I don't think that helps. I am frustrated because I have no idea what to do to help him. I don't know what he wants from me 90% of the time, even when he is clearly trying to tell me something. I see disabled adults and I start bawling thinking about Charlie as a grown man, but still a child. I worry about not being able to take care of him when he's older or what will happen to him after Josh and I pass away. What if none of his siblings want him or can take him? Will he end up in a group home? The thought breaks my heart. And I get frustrated by all the things that Charlie's autism makes difficult. Josh and I rarely get to be in Sacrament Meeting together. Josh is usually with Charlie, which means I have the other three kids on my own. They don't make that easy. Sacrament Meeting yesterday was so horrible that I kept thinking, "I must have a really strong testimony, because there is nothing else in the world that could compel me to deal with these three in Sacrament Meeting on my own." Eventually that turned into, "I never want to go to church again." (But of course, I will.) And then I was really upset today about having to leave Gold Rush Days. I want to be able to do things as a family, to get out all together and have fun. But I worry we'll never be able to because Charlie won't be able to deal with it.

Rescue Story #2: Josh and I got home from Target, I ran ahead to open the door, leaving Josh to get both boys out of the car. Josh and Fitz come in and Josh says to me, "Where's Charlie?". "I don't know. I didn't have him? Didn't you get him?" Josh runs outside. I start to panic. Josh starts calling for Charlie. Now I am really panicking. Josh had gotten Charlie out of the car first and set him down. Normally when he does this, Charlie goes straight to the door and goes in the house. Josh didn't give it a second thought, but turned right around to get Fitz out of the car. He didn't see Charlie, but just assumed he'd come inside. I checked the entire house and even the backyard, which he couldn't possibly have gotten into since both the door to the yard and the fence were locked. I put Fitz in his crib and go outside with Josh. We look all over the front yard, including the ditch by our driveway, the overgrown bushes, etc. Josh runs up and down the street shouting his name. We see no trace of him. Our across the street neighbor says she didn't see a little boy walking on the street. I go back in the house and yell all over my 1000 square feet for him. I look everywhere again and again. Nothing. Josh gets in the van to drive around the neighborhood to look for him. And I start crying hysterically.

"My baby, my baby. Oh, Heavenly Father, don't let anything happen to my baby. Please be safe. Oh, Charlie, please don't do this to me."

Stuff like that.

I call my father-in-law, but he isn't there. My 13 year old nephew is there. He can hear that I am upset, probably because I am still crying hysterically. I tell him Charlie is lost and to say a prayer. I keep trying to pray, but I can't form coherent thoughts. I am pacing through the house crying. I want to call my mom, but realize that isn't rational. I decide I need to call the police. I look up the phone number on the internet and am about to place the call when I hear the front door open. I rush out to the living room and see the most wonderful sight I've ever beheld.

Josh has Charlie in his arms.

I run to him and cry even harder as I hold my Charlie and kiss him. When Josh got in the van, he was going to drive around our block, but he felt impressed to go towards the main road. Josh tells me that Charlie had gotten almost all the way to the main road, where he surely would have been killed. It's a busy street. Right before he got to the main street, a woman saw him and stopped him. He let her pick him up and she waited for someone to come looking for him. She told Josh her own son had been killed by a car when he had wandered away one time, so she is very sensitive to these types of things and didn't even stop to wonder what she should do when she saw Charlie wandering down the street on his own. She also said she could tell he was autistic, because he was so sweet and happy. Josh thanked the woman, collected Charlie and came home. Josh and I are still shaken by this. For Charlie, it's like nothing happened. He came home happy and was delightful and delighted the rest of the day.

As Josh and I talked about this, we discussed how all of our frustration and irritation have melted away. The poo, the screaming, the fussiness, the inability to communicate with him -- none of it matters. All that matters is that he is okay. Almost losing him shocked us into remembering how grateful we are for him. It also made me realize just how devastated I would be if I didn't have Charlie. Autism is just part of the package deal if you want Charlie in your life. He is worth it. And I am absolutely 100% sure that the hand of God was at work in my family's life today and that my Heavenly Father was watching out for this sweet angel boy. And I am eternally grateful.

Rescue # 3: About 2 and a half hours ago, my father-in-law, Gene, came over and asked me to go with him to help a homeless lady who he'd run into outside of Walgreen's. She was sitting on a bench, crying. She had a severe cold. She had been sleeping outside for the past several days. My father-in-law told me that he wanted to help her because if he wanted to call himself a Christian, he better act like one. He wanted to get her a hotel room for the night, but it wouldn't have been appropriate for him to drive her by himself, so he asked for my assistance. I drove over to the Walgreen's with him and met Dusty. She was a very nice lady, probably not much older than me. She told us about her life as we drove her to a hotel. She seemed like she'd just had bad luck -- one of the many unemployed in this country who now have nowhere to go. She usually stays in shelters, but you have to call to get your name on a list to stay in those shelters and she didn't have any money to pay a phone bill. Gene paid for her hotel room. He's going to pick her up in the morning (along with some sisters from the ward) and pay her phone bill and try to get her a room at one of the nicer shelters. He's also going to see if he can help her find a job. He said, "maybe we can help make her life a little better." I love my father-in-law.

And I love my Heavenly Father. I love him for all the opportunities and experiences he gives me that help rescue me from selfishness, pride, jealousy, despair, frustration, negativity, doubt, sorrow. And I love my Savior for his ultimate rescue, that will eventually purge me of all those things permanently.