My poor husband spends most of sacrament meeting every week in the overflow with Charlie. Charlie tends to get a little loud and distracting during the meeting, so Josh takes him out. He wants to still be able to hear the talks, so he tries to sit in the overflow when he can (the accordian curtain things are usually closed since our ward is not that big).
Today, he was sitting back there with Charlie and a man Josh has known she he was a kid who is in a different ward came in there. Josh has never had the best feelings for this man as it is -- this is not a guy who has ever been very nice to him. This man did not help himself much today. He said to Josh, "Are you trying to teach reverence or does he have you well trained?" I'm not sure what the man meant by that, but Josh felt like the man was commenting unfavorably on his parenting. So Josh said, "He's autistic so he'll just do what he wants." The man turned red, Josh picked up Charlie, left the room, and missed the rest of sacrament meeting.
I think Josh and I are going to have to develop thicker skins. People will inevitably start making more comments like this to us as Charlie gets older and his quirks become more noticeable.
On a positive note, Charlie is doing well. He "kissed" me on the forehead the other day (put his lips on my forehead -- that's how he kisses), he waved to me yesterday when I said hi to him, he's stacking building blocks and putting together toys that link up. These are big accomplishments for Charlie and I am so pleased with what he is learning and how he is growing. His therapy hasn't helped him in ways that I have really anticipated -- I was expecting other things, I guess -- but I am learning to appreciate every tiny milestone. Charlie will never be like everyone else (and thank goodness for that really, right?), but I am hoping that Josh and I can provide him with opportunities to fulfill his potential.
4 comments:
I imagine it will always be tough trying to deal with other people's insensitivity. I have come to realize that we are all too hard on each other. Would that we could all realize that we all have challenges and just be more supportive of one another. I am so glad that Charlie is making progress, even if it's in unexpected ways. He is a doll! Good luck with growing that thicker skin. Let me know if you find a good way to do that!!
Been there, done that. I don't always bring up that Ammon is Autistic when I get comments from people. I am getting a little better about assessing the situation to see if it is worth it or necessary. Usually people feel pretty stupid when they realize they have pre-judged. I don't necessarily want to make people feel stupid but sometimes it seems like in the long run that might be a good thing-it may help that person.
The thing is that playing the Autism card can sometimes backfire. A lot of people in this world think Autism is a myth and that it is really just bad parenting. These are the kind of people it is hard for me to have any kind feelings for and I guess I need to work on that.
what josh said hopefully will teach many parents.
tell him thanks for me.
Good for Josh! I know there are so many judgemental people who think that their one little comment may have a lightbulb go off in your head and they'll teach you a lesson. They need stop that! Gene gave some good advice to Jake yesterday.. "understand where people are at when they make comments and that should help you to not react and/or take it personally. Be confident in who are and get to a point where you don't care what people think". Jake takes things very personally and also knows the feelings/judgements that a lot of people in that stake have on his family... me on the other hand: I couldn't care less what people think. I know myself and my family better than anyone else will ever get the privilage to.
:-D You guys are great parents, with adorable kids. You work your butts off around the clock! Remembering that will help you to brush off what rude people say. Sorry this was so long, I've deprived myself from blogging for a while. And well, it just erks me when someone says something bad about a Barker!!!
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