How Depression May End Up Being the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me

I recently completed a one-session depression overview course and a three-session depression management course, which I found both interesting and enlightening. I wanted to share some of what I have learned here.


One of the first things we talked about is how it’s hard to manage our feelings and thoughts, but we can manage our behavior and through managing our behavior, our thoughts and feelings can be changed. This was not touted as a cure-all, but rather as a first step. It encouraged me in continuing on with these courses, because it rang so true for me, was a reminder of what I already knew to be true. The doctor talked about how we can choose to do things, even when we don’t feel like doing them, and we can choose not to do other things, even when we really feel like doing them. Our feelings do not control our actions. We are not powerless. Even when I am depressed, I can make myself get off the couch and take care of things that need to get done. It may not be easy, but I can do it. [Disclaimer: He was not talking about people suffering from major depression, who may require medication before they can make it off the couch.] For me, this was the big take away from the first course.

In the first session of the depression management course, we were given a list of the top ten ways to battle depression (besides medication). Number one on the list was exercise. I’ve heard this before, of course, but as I have recently taken up walking again and have been feeling much better about myself and life overall just by doing that one simple thing, the concept was reinforced. The psychologist who ran this course said that exercise is the closest thing we have to a panacea. So increasing activity has become one of my top priorities.

I also learned that medication is only effective for about 40% of depressed people. This leads me to believe, not that depression isn’t “real” or that we just need to “get over it”, but that depression isn’t about chemical imbalances for most people. I am not a huge fan of the “side” effects that about 40% of people experience on anti-depressants, so I have decided to try other methods of dealing with this issue first. If I wasn’t getting better, I would definitely try medication, so this isn't some anti-medication stance, just the approach I feel is right for me.
The depression management course was mostly about incorporating the top ten strategies, addressing and combating distorted thinking, and engaging in pleasurable and worthwhile activities. This website has the basic run-down on distorted thinking: http://sourcesofinsight.com/10-distorted-thinking-patterns/. As we talked about these cognitive traps, I recognized myself in almost of them. We also talked about “hot thoughts” – our automatic thoughts in response to situations that illicit negative emotion. Hot thoughts are like grooves in our thinking – we can pull out of them, but when a trigger occurs, we’re right back in the rut. Habitual thinking. We need to recognize when we’re giving into cognitive distortions or slipping into our “hot thoughts” and then challenge those thoughts. Look at the situation like a scientist and examine the evidence for and against what you’re thinking. Then decide if your original thought is accurate or if there is an alternate or more balanced thought that is a better reflection of reality.

In the final session, we talked a little bit about coping strategies and that these generally fall into three categories: 1) affective (emotion-based approach, e.g. crying, sharing your feelings, getting angry), 2) action-oriented (e.g. taking a class) and 3) distraction/avoidance (e.g. reading a book, playing a computer game). I thought the psychologist would talk about which one or ones were best and which were bad, but he didn’t. Instead he said that we should recognize which one or ones tend to be our go-to strategies and then work on developing a strength in the other area(s) because all of these strategies have their place and are useful and it was healthiest to move through them. He compared it to finding out you have a chronic medical problem. It’s okay, normal, healthy to be upset, to cry. You should share with your friends and family what’s going on and how you feel. You should also take to a doctor or specialist about what to do, study up on the malady, implement strategies for dealing with it. But you also shouldn’t think about it all the time or have your whole life revolve around it. You should distract yourself with work, church, family, friends, outings, etc. This rang true to me.

Lastly, we talked about positive psychology, the science of happiness. The therapist said that the class up until that point had been focused on helping us become “undepressed”, to reach a baseline. He said that was the easy part. Happiness goes beyond that baseline, and it is hard work. He talked about a couple of different concepts around happiness. He talked about a book called Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar, a Harvard professor. He played squash avidly, devoted a lot of time and energy and effort to it, sacrificed for it and won a national title. And he was happy. Briefly. Then the happiness faded. And it made him wonder why the happiness was so fleeting. What went wrong? Eventually he discovered that he loved winning and he loved playing squash, but he hated training. He hated the process. So happiness is in part choosing to do things that we enjoy the process of and partly learning to love the process, because life is a process. At least, that is the lesson I took away from it.

Our teacher drew a graph on the board that looked like this (Dr. Ben-Shahar calls this the “Hamburger Model of Happiness”:

I was going to walk through it with you, but the blog I found this picture on has a good description: http://10consulting.blogspot.com/2007/09/hamburger-of-happiness.html.

The major take-away – happy people do things that have a positive benefit in the present and in the future.
The last thing we discussed is the one I really can’t get out of my mind. The doctor had us draw three circles on our paper. In the first circle, we wrote down things that we did that brought us pleasure. I wrote down things like singing, writing, reading, playing games/reading/dancing with my kids, spending time with my husband, etc. In the second circle, we listed those things that brought meaning to our life; for me, my relationship with God and understanding of eternal truth, my family, personal relationships, and sharing my talents with others made the list. In the third circle, we wrote down our strengths. This was the hardest one for me, but I tried to push back my distorted thinking and my false modesty and came up with: honest, forgiving, singing, writing/expressing myself verbally and smart. Something I just came up with now that should be on the list – my desire to be good. I truly want to be a good person.

Then the doctor drew a Venn diagram of the three circles and told us the secret of happy people – they spend time on those things that fall in that section in the middle, where all three circles meet. Not everything we do in life can be that way, of course. I am not sure I will ever convince myself I take pleasure in doing the dishes. But I do dishes because I want to be good and because I love my family, so it hits two out of the three at least, and that’s not bad.

The big take-away for me was this: writing and singing basically came up in all three categories. They bring me pleasure, they’re areas of strength and I find meaning in sharing my gifts with others. I feel like God has been giving me a lot of signals lately about things I am supposed to be doing and one of them has been: Work on your comic book. When I say it out loud or write it down, I feel ridiculous. When I tell other people Josh and I are working on a comic book together, I feel a little embarrassed. It seems like the dream of a foolish kid who hasn’t faced the reality of responsibility for himself or others. But it keeps coming up. And if we could get it published and make this kind of work our source of income, it would mean the realization of a lot of things I value and take pleasure in – spending time with Josh, being at home more, having the flexibility to volunteer at my kids’ schools, sharing the things I know to be true (because I want to write works that express truth). It would be amazing.

Maybe it won’t ever work out. But it definitely won’t if I don’t try. I have to stop being afraid and just go for it.

I also thought about how I need to do a better job of writing on this blog. This is a way I can hit that sweet spot on the diagram right now, and I am not taking advantage of it. Here’s hoping I will do better.

This post, however, was not for you, dear reader, but for me. For me to remember what I learned, the things that really struck a chord with me and that I want to work on. If you found it at all interesting, that is a bonus.