A Birthday Present for My Father

My dad, goofing around with me at the San Diego Zoo

I’ve been trying all day to figure out what to write in tribute to my dad, who would have been 68 today. As one of the most significant people in my life and as a good father and man, it does not seem right to just let the day pass without a word or two on my blog, the journal of my life. My thoughts have been along a certain vein, but I am finding it difficult to put my musings into coherent written language. So please forgive me if I stumble through this.

Yesterday, this song made me think about my dad:

It’s the gospel and I love it.
Why not share it with my brother?

See the joy within me shine in someone else’s eyes.

In December of 1961, my father was baptized a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He wouldn’t have become a member of the church without his friends inviting him to church activities and picking him up for church on Sunday. And he wouldn’t have become a member of the church without two young men who took two years out of their lives to go teach the gospel to strangers who they understood were their brothers and sisters.

My dad was not raised in the best of circumstances. If he’d grown up to be a criminal, there would have been a lot of people who would have said, “well, of course, look at such and such in his past.” But he didn’t grow up to be a criminal. He was a good kid. He was a good kid before he joined the church. So his story isn’t one about the most depraved of individuals doing a 180. Instead, his is a story of how the gospel of Jesus Christ made a good kid into a great man. And how the gospel of Jesus Christ helped a boy with a painful past become a man with a joyous present and a glorious future.

I know that it was through the church that my dad discovered a true and lasting joy. He found it through entering the temple and making covenants with a beautiful young woman and building a life on the foundation of an eternal marriage. He found it through having children and teaching them the truths he held dear. He found it through serving his fellow man as a priesthood holder and disciple of Christ. He found it through a testimony of living prophets and a determination to follow their counsel. And he found joy by developing a personal relationship with his Savior and putting the atonement to work in his life.

My dad, by the way, was not perfect. But he was a good man and I saw him grow and change and become better over the years as he continued to put gospel principles into practice in his life.

I’ve been struggling with feelings of depression lately and in church back in December, a thought came to me – I need to rediscover the joy in living the gospel. Not that I’ve been living the gospel and feeling miserable. The problem is I haven’t been living the gospel. Have I been going to church and teaching my Young Women’s lessons and going to mutual on Wednesday nights and paying my tithing and having family prayer? Sure. But have I been living the gospel? Has the gospel been in my heart or have I just been going through the motions? I am sorry to say that for a while now, I have just been going through the motions. I have been doing things without purpose, without intent and with too often selfish motives. And there’s no joy in that. I’ve been thinking of the gospel as a to-do list too much and as a way of being too little. The gospel of Jesus Christ is ultimately about who we are, not about what we do. When we are who we are supposed to be, the things we are supposed to do will come naturally. As my Young Women’s president has been saying, if our hearts get there first, the rest of us will follow.

My dad’s favorite scripture was 3 John 1:4, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.” My father knew that if his children walked in truth, they would have joy. And as any loving parent can affirm, your children’s joys are your joys, just as your children’s sorrows are your sorrows. My birthday gift to my dad this year is to pledge to do a better job of walking in the truth. I want you to be happy, Daddy, so I am going to be happy, too.

Love you.

UPDATE: My mom is amazing. My dad was pretty smart to marry her.