The Rest of November 2010 -- Catch Up Post 1

So I am woefully behind on chronicling my exciting life. For shame.
In November, I travelled to Beverly Hills for CDA’s annual House of Delegates. This was my fourth (and last) trip to Beverly Hills for work and the first time I wasn’t pregnant in BH. (That would come about a week after I returned from my trip.) The meeting went well, but the most important thing about work travel is having some time to bond with co-workers. And I definitely got to do that. Two highlights to note:

1) I finally made it over to the LA Temple grounds. There was no time for me to do a session, due to my work schedule, but I did manage to drag my department colleagues to the grounds and the Visitors Center. It was nice to be able to go and enjoy the Spirit there and also share a bit more about who I really am with these ladies I’ve been working with the last several years.

Admin Services Girls at the LA Temple

Me in front of the Family statue at the LA Temple grounds

2) I got to spend a lot of the time on Saturday talking to one co-worker in particular, Olga. We conversed for hours while covering the office desk on a very slow morning, and I truly enjoyed getting to know her better. She and I have very similar values and I learned a lot of interesting things about her life in Estonia and her childhood and her move here to California when she was 14. She’s really a great person.

I also did the typical trying out of a new restaurant (LA Food Show – yummy!) and visiting old favorites (Roni’s and The Farm) and going to Rite Aid in a completely silly mood and trying to keep slimy guys away from Olga and going to the President’s Party.

Admin Services Girls plus Dawn and Bill at LA Food Show -- delish!

Admin Services Girls at The Farm of Beverly Hills

There was one irritation: Olga loves to take pictures. Lots and lots of pictures. Do you know how hard it is to stay happy taking seemingly endless numbers of pictures while standing next to your literally 100 pound, gorgeous beyond belief co-worker when you look like me? It’s not awesome, let me tell you. I resorted to being silly. The kicker was when Olga asked a colleague from another department to take pictures of us and she basically spent 10 minutes berating me for not looking good in any of the pics she was taking. I soured on the party, went to my room and cried.

Me, Olga and Kim at the President's Party

Me and Olga, after I decided to stop trying to look good

Other than that, a great trip.

An even better trip, however, took place the next weekend. Josh and I gave Katie her birthday present – a trip to Monterey with just Mom and Dad. Friday after work, we drove down to Salinas and stayed the night in Grandma’s little house, which is so cute with all the renovations almost completed. Katie loved it and basically wanted to stay there forever. Having her own room to sleep in was like heaven to her.

Kate in "her" chair -- everything in the house was hers!

The next morning, we drove over to Monterey and visited the aquarium (courtesy of annual passes Grandma bought for all her grandkids, which include two free adult passes each time the child visits – we love Grandma!). The aquarium was awesome and Katie loved, loved it, but bummer of all bummers – the Outer Bay exhibit was closed for renovations. That is the coolest part of the entire place, so we were all a little sad. But it was still amazing. Kate loved looking at the sharks, the octopus, the rays, the jelly fish, the seahorses. She was not a huge fan of the sea otter exhibit, though. What’s wrong with her?!

Katie, looking at sharks and having the time of her life

In the kids' area at the aquarium

After the aquarium, we walked around Cannery Row and window shopped and had lunch. Then we drove over to Asilomar Beach and did some rock climbing and tide pool exploring. And then we drove home. A short trip, but a great time and experience for all of us – way better than any toy we could have gotten Katie, for sure. And the boys were pretty good for Aunt Doreen, who graciously babysat them and our house while we were gone. She rocks!

Katie and Mommy, after Katie climbed this rock and then jumped into my arms



This rock was kinda high and far out there. Katie would only have done this with her Dad.



Josh and Katie looking at tide pools



In November, we also celebrated Thanksgiving. The less said about that, the better.

Josh and I celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary on November 28th. I know we went out to dinner, but remember none of the details. That is what happens when you put off blogging for 6 months. Oh dear!

December post coming next. Hopefully, I can remember something from then . . .

What Does It Take to Make a Family?

Each year, I get to celebrate being married to my favorite person in the entire world twice -- once on our wedding anniversary and once on our sealing anniversary. We were sealed on December 30, 2004 in the Oakland Temple, one year, one month and two days after we were married. Every December 30, we make a trip to the temple, either to do an endowment session, sealings or both. It's always a special thing to be in the temple together on the day we began our eternal family. Both our wedding day and our sealing day were filled with sweet, wonderful moments and I often reflect on the significance of those days in my and Josh's lives.

This week, I've also been thinking a lot about the significance of those days to this guy:

Alek's father left me when Alek was 5 and a half months old. Consequently, he left Alek. Of course, I've never talked about it in that way to Alek. Alek's dad loves him and tries hard to be involved in his life. They have a good relationship. Alek enjoys talking to him on the phone and going to visit him. It's always been important to me to nurture Alek's relationship with his dad, even though his dad does so many things I disagree with. Because kids should be able to love their parents. I never wanted him to feel abandoned by his father. I always have tried to shield him from the heartache of divorce as much as possible. During those years between the end of my first marriage and the beginning of my eternal marriage, I feel like I was a pretty good mom. Alek thrived and was happy. I longed to provide him with a different type of home and family, one where there was a father and a priesthood holder and where he would grow up with the example of a healthy, happy marriage and could have siblings. But in the meantime, I felt like I was doing okay. Additionally, I had the support of both my family and Jared's family. Alek had excellent role models in his grandfathers and his uncles. And I felt that Heavenly Father made up for a lot of what was lacking. We were blessed.

And then along came Josh and a whirlwind courtship and a new man in Alek's life.

When Josh and I got married, we told Alek he could call Josh anything he wanted, as long as it was nice. I think we'd been married three days when Alek first started calling Josh "Dad" (much to Jared's chagrin). This was the first indication of how much Alek felt he had been missing out on. As time went on, Alek began to love Spiderman and sports and drawing -- all of Josh's greatest interests. There was a fairly long period of time when every single time Alek would play a make-believe game, he would take the name Josh for whatever character he was playing. And then several months ago, it happened. Josh and I were arguing and Alek started to cry. "I don't want you to get divorced. I don't want to not have a dad again."

Of course, Alek has always had a dad and always will. And as I said, his bio-dad has always made efforts to be involved, to demonstrate his love and concern. But Alek's comments confirmed what I always have known to be true, but have tried not to overemphasize for the sake of Alek's feelings -- that it's not enough. It's hard to say that in this day and age. I feel guilty saying it. I know there are so many good people out there who are raising their children separately and they love and adore their children and they're doing the absolute best that they can. And divorce sometimes is a better option for a family than a couple staying together. It was in my and Jared's case, mostly because Jared had completely given up. But I am so glad I got the chance to start again and to give Alek what I had -- parents who are married, who love each other, who love you and who are there every single day. Although there are many out there who will not have that and many of those individuals will still turn out okay (or awesome, like in the case of my mom), Alek's life, his behavior, his reactions make it clear to me what has been revealed to be true: A whole, intact family with married parents -- a mom and a dad -- is the best thing for kids. And it's what we all want, deep down. We must all know that it's true, deep down, even though it's not PC to say it.

The funny thing is, Alek and Josh have a difficult, tumultuous relationship. They are often frustrated with each other. They're not very much alike at all, despite Alek's desire to love everything Josh loves. (Although, I've been told by Josh that they get along much better when I am not around. And I am pretty sure I know the reasons for that.) But even with all the struggles they experience because of each other, Alek recognizes that Josh is his real dad. And he never, ever wants that to change.

On November 28, 2003, Josh, Alek and I became the Barker Family. And on December 30, 2004, we made it eternal. And although Alek does not legally share our name and is not sealed to me and Josh, I truly believe he is a part of our family, here and through all eternity.

A mom and dad who love each other, who love God and who live up to their covenants the best they can -- that's what it takes to make a family, one that lasts forever.

This has been bothering me for some time

When I tell you a story about my ex or show you a picture of him or whatever, do not say, "you should have known." It's just rude and hurtful. Do not take the most horrible thing that another human being has ever done to me and try to make it my fault. It's not nice.

Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest.

Ever Wonder What I Do for a Living?

I plan this.

Katie's Birthday

We celebrated Katie's birthday with a party at Grandma and Grandpa's a few days after Katie turned 5. I spent several hours that morning making Katie her shark cake. It didn't turn out exactly how I wanted it, but it looked pretty good, I think. Katie absolutely LOVED it, which was the most important thing.

Katie got rain boots from Grandma and Grandpa, a Pinkalicious doll and book from Aunt Kim and Uncle Aaron, and a shark painting set from Aunt Doreen and Uncle Jon. Mom and Dad didn't give Katie her present until a couple of weeks later, which I will write about in another post.

Kate had a great birthday and was very happy about everything. One thing I love about my children is their easy joy and exuberance. It doesn't take much for them to be excited and grateful and happy. Katie's birthday was no exception.

Here are some pictures from the party. Excuse the red eye. I can't figure out how to photoshop it out of my pictures.

Katie is just about the greatest person ever created. I feel so incredibly blessed to be her mom. She is such a pistol, a total crack-up, sweet, affectionate, nurturing, bossy, sassy, stubborn, ethereal, silly, delightful -- she just rocks. Sometimes she can be a real stinker, but that's just part of her charm. I'm looking forward to seeing the woman my girl will become. But I am hoping that doesn't come too quickly and that I will have plenty of time to enjoy her as she is now.

Halloween at Home

We did sorta celebrate Halloween at home. We went through about a 2 week period where the stomach flu and a cold were making the rounds and Fitz decided to throw up the day of the Ward Halloween party. So I took Alek and Katie with me to the party and Josh stayed home with the two little boys.

A kinda creepy picture of me with Alek and Katie before the Ward party

At our Ward party, we have inside room-to-room trick-or-treating instead of doing a trunk-or-treat outside. I greatly appreciate this since I nearly lost Alek at the trunk-or-treat in 2007. Ward members sign up for a room to decorate and pass out candy from. Grandpa Gene and Grandma  Linda did a room:

And because Alek begged and pleaded, I did a room, too.

You may recognize these decorations from my "Halloween at Work" post. Yes, I cannibalized my work decorations for the Ward party. I did this because: a) I hate scary stuff, b) I have very few Halloween decorations and don't have the budget to or even want to buy more and c) I am lazy.

In addition to trick-or-treating, there were games for the kids and a light dinner. Alek mostly tried to stay away from me and Katie the entire evening. But I did get a shot of the two of them with Grandma.

Katie insisted on getting a picture with Brittney, one of my former Beehives and a frequent babysitter.

Charlie did get a little bit of a Halloween experience. He dressed in costume for school on Friday and they had a little party with cupcakes and candy.

Doesn't Charlie look thrilled?

Fitz's Halloween was limited to him trying on his costume. But he looked cute!

Thanks to my sister-in-law, Doreen, for outfitting all my children!

Proof I Used to Be Cute

Two and half years ago, I'd lost 47 pounds. I was still 13 pounds overweight, according to Weight Watchers. And I looked like this.

See how silly I felt free to be? That's because I was confident.

Why did I undo all my hard work and why can't I motivate myself to get skinny again?

Halloween at Work

This year, Halloween at work lacked the energy and excitement of previous years. It was pretty sad. Everyone seems to be busier than usual this year, there have been a lot of personnel changes and I think everyone is burned out. But it was still a fun day, even if it wasn't as amazing as it has been in years past.

We decided to have a floor theme this year -- the 50's. Each department did a different take on that time period -- Finance did a high school, Member Programs did a diner and sock hop and my department did a drive-in. We were really hoping to win this year, but ended up coming in 2nd, which is still way better than where we have ended up in the past.

 Finance -- Spinelli High

Member Programs -- Judy's Diner

Drive-In Entrance

Tickets (Alysia)

Snack Bar (Angela)

One of our drive-in cars (Regina and Steve)

Car #2 (Me and Kim)

The winners this year were our Human Resources gals (plus one former employee) who did a Charlie Brown theme. They really did an awesome job.

As part of our drive-in theme, we decided to film a snack bar commercial and show that along with some trailers, rather than showing an entire movie (which was our original idea). Our CEO is technically in our department and always participates in Halloween festivities, but this year had a meeting he could not get out of. So we decided to incorporate him into the commercial. He's the hot dog. I think everyone looks at him differently now. Anyway, here is what we showed at our drive-in (including the trailers, because this is how I got the file).

Everyone loved our video. I think that is what propelled us into 2nd place.

So all in all, it was a fun day. And I got to reuse some of the items for my ward Halloween party . . .