I Have A New Job

An amazing thing happened today -- I got the job I wanted.

I haven't posted much about my current situation before so I'll just lay it all out before you now -- I live with my in-laws. It's not a good thing. They are wonderful people and just about as easy to live with as you could possibly want, but I am nearly thirty years old, married, and the mother of two. I need my own place. My husband and I, however, have had some trouble supporting ourselves fully since we moved out here at the end of 2004. I needed a job immediately upon arrival because we had almost no savings and plenty of bills. I found a job at a great place, with great people and great benefits, but the pay was several thousand dollars less a year than I thought I would be able to make. But I took the job because I really needed it, my family really needed it, and because I felt certain that my husband's art career would soon take off and I could then stay home with my babies like I really want to.

14 months later, reality has set in. Josh is working hard at getting his big break, but it just hasn't come yet and it could be years before it does. I now have to provide for four people, not three. My job is often boring and I am going nowhere fast. It's a small company, they are not inclined to give me any kind of significant raise and there is no way for me to move up to another position any time soon. And every day I feel more and more like the world's biggest loser for not being able to house my own family.

So the job search began in earnest. I heard back from several companies right away and starting going on interviews. I was supposed to hear back from the first company on the 13th with either an offer or a rejection. The night before I was a mess. I was going on and on and on to my hubby about the pros and cons of taking the job if they offered it to me. I was completely unsettled and had no idea whether I should accept it or not. I had a feeling I would be offered the job and just could not get a sense of what my answer should be. Josh was worried about me and so offered to give me a priesthood blessing (this is when a priesthood holder lays their hands on someone's head and gives them the blessings/information the Lord wants them to have relating to their current situation). I resisted at first. I told Josh that I didn't think God cared what job I had as long as I wasn't doing anything illegal or immoral. I don't know why I was so stuck on thinking that since I feel pretty strongly that jobs I have had in the past were essential for me to have, but perhaps I was a little afraid that God did care and that I wouldn't be able to figure out what He wanted me to do. After some more gentle prodding by my sweetie, I had him give me a blessing.

Now, I am not going to go into too much detail here about what I was told in the blessing. It doesn't seem appropriate. However, I will say that I felt much calmer after it was done and was assured that the Lord cared very much about this concern I was having. I also felt I needed to weigh my options out further before making a decision.

Last Tuesday, I was offered a job. The offer was for $5000 more a year than I am currently making, but insurance would have cost me $200 more a month than it currently does. My initial inclination was to accept, but I asked for some time to think it over. They sent me some paperwork and as I looked it over I started to have a bad feeling. Within a few short minutes I went from being almost sure I would take the job to knowing I would not take it. I felt that the bad feelings I was having were the answer to my prayer -- my answer should be no. So I turned down the job.

I went on two more interviews after that. Both went well, but I was really excited about the first. I liked the people and the feeling in the office. The company is much larger than the one I am currently with, therefore there are more opportunities for advancement. I really started hoping I would get the job. They told me they would be making their decision immediately after the holiday weekend and they would get back to me early this week. I expected to hear from them yesterday. I waited and I waited and I waited for a phone call, but none ever came. I started to feel depressed. Surely I would have heard from them if they wanted to hire me. "No news is good news," my friend assured me. I tried to believe her.

The hours rushed by today at work, but still every time I had a chance to catch my breath, I would wonder about this job, about why I hadn't heard from them. By mid-afternoon, I was feeling depressed again. I had to do something about it. I had to figure out what was going on. So I e-mailed the woman I interviewed with and asked if they had made a decision and if not when they were expecting to make one (this was unusually aggressive behavior on my part). She e-mailed me back and said they had not made a decision yet because of some internal issues but that she would get back to me by the end of the week. So I decided I would have to wait another day or two to find out my fate.

At 4:30 the phone rang. It was Josh with a message to call my interviewer at this company. He said he couldn't tell if she sounded happy or not. I called her and braced myself for the worst. She said:

"I would love for you to come work with us!"

The offer is for $6000 more a year than I am currently making. And the benefits are excellent -- better even than my current ones, which are really quite good.

For the past few years, I have just felt like I am not capable of knowing what the Lord wants me to do. I am not in tune, I cannot get inspiration.

But I did. I got inspiration. I knew that I shouldn't take that first job. Even though I didn't know what else was out there for me, I turned it down. And then something much better came along, something that I think will really make a difference for my family, something that will bring us a huge step closer to being on our own.

I am so grateful that He cares for me, that He cares for my family, that He knows our needs and our wants and helps us to achieve them, in His time, in His way. And I am grateful that my husband is a worthy priesthood holder. The blessing that I received under his hands made a big difference to me. And I am starting to feel once again that I am not such a bad person as to be unable to decipher God's communication. And that is a good feeling.