Josh's Most Recent Pieces

Both inspired by World of Warcraft. Josh was recently told he needed to draw something other than blood and guts. (Of course, there is never any blood or guts in his pictures.) He explained that he drew good vs. evil. So, if all these pictures creep you out and make you worry about my husband's view on the world, they shouldn't. He may not draw puppy dogs and fields of flowers, but he still tries to show the good in the world, even if it's through a fantasy/sci fi lens.

I've always marveled at how my husband can make scary things look so beautiful. In a world where so much grotesque art is shoved down our throats, I think it's nice. To appreciate these more, you need to click on them and make them bigger. The detail in the second picture is especially outstanding.

Random Cuteness and a Pretty Picture

One of the things I love about Sacramento -- leaves actually change color here. Isn't that beautiful? (This is from the grounds at the Sacramento Temple.)

Josh likes to take the kids to the temple grounds sometimes and just let them hang out. The temple is not too far from Alek's school and it's just pretty there and there is a huge open area where they can just walk around. This picture is from their most recent trip. Katie and Alek are such hams.

Charlie's hair is naturally curly, for now. His hair started doing this swoopy thing on the sides after it was washed. It doesn't really do it now that it's a little longer, so I'm glad we managed to capture it on film. It was a simple thing that just made Josh and me laugh and laugh.

Charlie is great at making a mess out of himself when he eats. He rubs food into his eyes and hair and all over his chest. This is a picture from when we ate stuffed shells.

Charlie in his bat jammies. These are the same bat jammies Alek wore when he was little. Charlie was very proud of himself for climbing up on the desk and then managing to clear off a space to turn around and sit down. He used to just get stuck up there on all fours.

Katie's Birthday

I've finally decided to live up to my word and post some family updates, but they won't be in chronological order, just to make things extra confusing for you.

Katie celebrated her 3rd birthday on November 3rd. We decided just to have a small party at home. Mommy likes avoiding the stress of big parties, especially during her busiest time at work. Not to mention the fact that our house is not really big enough to entertain more than a couple of people at a time.

Looking through the selection, I realized I didn't really get good pictures of Katie's birthday. But I got some good video, so I'm posting one of those. And I hope you all enjoy it. You would not believe how long it took to upload this 48 second video.

Katie is delightful. She is funny, sweet, expressive, and energetic. We all love the fun she brings into our home. It's been fun watching her grow and change and turn into a little girl.

Christmas Spirit at Work

I swear I am going to post some family pictures soon.

First, I need to write about how I work at the best place in the world. We have so much fun here. Today, we had an ugly holiday sweater party at work. We had hot cocoa and treats and there were prizes awarded for the most creative/tackiest ensembles.

My department won best overall department spirit, my manager won the overall award (the So Jolly, It's Time 2 Party award), and I won the JeanneMarie award (JeanneMarie is a lady I work with who wears tacky holiday sweaters without any prompting. She has a good sense of humor, thankfully.) for the best use of natural assets. I realize that sounds bad, but hopefully this picture will explain it.

It was a lot of fun. So many people went all out and there were some truly hideous sweaters out there. I don't think I deserved to win at all, but it was nice to win anyway. I couldn't have done it without my friend, Farrah, who found a holiday sweatshirt for me last night without me even asking her to. She's so awesome.

Mostly, I just can't express how grateful I am to work where I do. It's hard to be away from my kids all day, but since staying home is not currently an option, I feel really blessed to work at such a wonderful place and with such amazing, generous, fun people. This past year has been especially enjoyable, and there is an off chance I might actually miss this place when I'm on maternity leave in the spring.

My department (minus one)

Group Photo

Update on Family Coming Soon

In the meantime, take a few minutes to read a couple of interesting articles about Thanksgiving.

Article about circumstances surrounding first national Thanksgiving observation

Article about Thanksgiving history and ways we can teach our children about the holiday

I'm So Glad It's Friday

Human beings were not made to work 12 days in a row. At least, not this human being.

Always on My Mind

Some day, I'd really like to be able to blog about my life again. But I can't stop thinking about Prop 8. First, I'd just like to say that I truly believe it is a miracle that it passed. I was overjoyed and still am so amazed at the outcome.

But since about 5 p.m. on November 5, I've just been frustrated and trying so hard not to be angry. I knew that people would be upset and I knew that this was going to end up back in the courts.

Perhaps I am naive, but what I was not expecting was this and this and this and this. I'm particularly upset by this last article. To attempt to ruin the career and reputation of a man because he exercised his right as an American citizen to contribute to a political cause he believes in -- that is unconscionable. Surely the California Music Theater can't get away with firing him, can they? I hope they wouldn't even try. It's completely unethical and wrong. Not only am I appalled by the reaction of the oh-so-tolerant GLBT community, I am appalled by the completely biased tone of the article. In fact, the media seems to have completely given up on any efforts to be unbiased and balanced with these stories.

I'm just a little sick of all this and am sick from all this. But one day I'll get over it and write about my family again.

I Hope Prop 8 Passes

Prop 8 and Discrimination

I like what he says about how marriage will become meaningless if we allow it to be extended to all different sorts of relationships and situations. My fear, of course, is that to the majority of Californians, marriage is already meaningless. But marriage is not meaningless to me and although societal forces have been trying to destroy the institution of marriage and family for years, I don't think that means we should all just give up and abandon ship.

Pray for Prop 8.

The Last Few Days

Tuesday's a big day for this country and also a big day for all California.

I'm voting yes on Prop 8. It's not about hate, as the other side likes to claim. Read this article for a little enlightenment.

All God's Children

Just finished watching Expelled, the Ben Stein documentary about the science community's attack on freedom of inquiry, specifically related to anyone questioning Darwinian Evolution. It was a great film and I highly recommend it.

During one portion of the film, Ben Stein explored where the study of evolution had led some in the past, specifically the Nazi regime and the Eugenics movement in the early 20th century. They are careful to make the point that believing in evolution does not necessarily lead to such extremes, just that these movements were based on or drew justification from Darwin. Ben Stein visits Hadamar, a "hospital" where undesirables (disabled people) were killed by Nazi doctors. All in the name of bettering the human race, trying to wipe out the "useless eaters" who were a drain on our society.

I became physically ill and heart sick during this part of the film. I would have felt that way even if all these horrors were in the past, but the truth is they are still with us. We are increasingly getting rid of the "undesirables" in our society, only now we are doing it when they are still in the womb.

I understand that abortion is a very sensitive, volatile issue and I am likely to have people get mad at me for what I am about to say, but I've been needing to say it for a while. So here goes.

I've read several articles lately which indicate the rate of abortions for babies with Down Syndrome is between 80 and 90%. Is this not genocide? This article explores how this is the last acceptable prejudice in our society. I don't know if it's quite the last, but it's definitely one of them. This issue of getting rid of "imperfect" children is personal to me. I have had the privilege of spending time with some of these so-called useless eaters -- one like family, others just friends -- and it saddens me more than I am capable of expressing that we are denying ourselves the opportunity to learn from these angelic people. I have seen the discomfort, the inconvenience, the work, the grief, etc. that comes with having a child with Down Syndrome. I have also seen the joy, the growth, the love. If there is anything, there is love. I've had the honor of having a little girl with Down Syndrome kiss my pregnant belly and talk to my baby. So full of love, so gentle, so exuberant. I have felt the Spirit testify to me as a woman with Down Syndrome sang, "I am a Child of God" and was taught in that moment not just that she was a child of God, but that so was I. These are precious moments and memories in my life and to think that we would throw away opportunities to be closer to heaven because we're scared or under the guise of not wanting to subject a child to a hard life is just . . . I don't know, stupid. It's just dumb.

When I was pregnant with Alek, my AFP test came back that there was a chance he might have Down Syndrome. I had a couple extra ultrasounds to detect any additional signs of Down Syndrome, but the only way to know for sure if he had that extra chromosome was to have an amniocentisis, which is just something I was not going to do. I didn't want to risk miscarrying. So I spent the next 4 or 5 months knowing that it was possible that he would have Down Syndrome. And it seemed like everywhere I went, there was some child or adult with Down Syndrome. And when I would look at them, I wasn't scared or nervous. All I felt was that I loved them. And I knew that no matter how hard it would be to raise a child with Down Syndrome, it would be okay because I would love him.

Of course, Alek does not have Down Syndrome. I have not been given that challenge or that privilege. But what I learned from that experience was that my children might not be "perfect" or "normal" and I take that risk every time I get pregnant. And it's a risk I accept because I know that every life is worth living, even for those with an extra gene or a missing limb or a hearing loss or whatever.

And I guess, that's where I am afraid this road is taking us. Children with Down Syndrome are being aborted at astronomical rates, but it doesn't end there. There are so many options to test our babies for a variety of illnesses and disabilities. And so many women and men who are not willing to take on children with special needs. What would happen if we could detect mental illness in the womb or ADHD or autism? Do we start getting rid of all these individuals too? They're just too much work? Their lives will be too hard? They'll cost us too much in medical bills? What excuses can we concoct to breed only those children who are deemed worthy?

For some reason, I have always thought I would have a child with special needs. I keep waiting for it. But truly, no child is perfect and they all have special challenges and needs. I don't think it's up to us as a society to decide which ones are mild enough that a child can be allowed to live and which ones are so severe that a child must die.

We are killing the disabled at an alarming rate. Yes, it's happening in the womb, but we are still killing them. Who will be an advocate for these innocents? Who will stand up to the genocide? My voice is small and it doesn't reach very far, but I will take my stand. Allow these children of God a place in this world. We will all be better for it.

I am not intolerant

See this video.

And for good measure, go to preservingmarriage.org and watch all the videos there. Get information on what the real consequences of legalizing gay marriage will be. Our religious and personal freedoms are on the line.

Third Post Today

This is disturbing, but the main reason Josh keeps telling me we're moving out of state if Prop 8 fails.

http://protectmarriage.com/article/first-graders-taken-to-san-francisco-city-hall-for-gay-wedding

A Monumental Evening

I've been worried about Charlie and his development for months for a lot of reasons that I don't really want to go into. Tonight two amazing things happened. First, I said, "yea!" and Charlie started clapping. Then I told him to say good night to Katie and he started waving. He started waving and clapping a couple of weeks ago, but this is the first time he has waved without anyone waving first and the first indication I have had that he understands why people clap or wave.

I'm feeling a little better. But not 100%. :)

New Web Site -- A Must See

The LDS church has developed a new Website to explain and promote our position on Prop 8 here in California. Please visit it at preservingmarriage.org.

Here are some key points from the home page that sum up our stand on the issue:

• Having tolerance without condoning.

  
  We can love someone while still maintaining and advocating our standards and beliefs.

• Unless Proposition 8 passes, California society will soon undergo a profound change in its basic understanding of marriage and family life.

  
  That will affect everyone in numerous ways. Over time, greater acceptance of nontraditional marriage will be demanded of all people. This could impact the ability of any religion to teach and practice its beliefs.

• Proposition 8 will not hurt gays.

  
  In California, the law provides for marriage-related benefits to be given to civil unions and domestic partnerships. Proposition 8 does not diminish these benefits.

• Failure to pass Proposition 8 will hurt children.

  
  If gay marriage remains legal, public schools will put it on equal footing with traditional marriage. Children will likely receive “age appropriate” information about sexual relations within heterosexual and homosexual marriages.

• Failure to pass Proposition 8 will hurt churches.

  
  The court’s decision will inevitably lead to conflicts with religious liberty and free speech rights. Society will become more and more hostile to traditional beliefs about marriage and family.

Important Video

If you live in a state where the question of same sex marriage is on the ballot, you must watch this video.

http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid1815820715/bctid1822459319

Principle of Compensation

Another General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints just came to a close. My heart is full after a weekend of uplifting talks, inspiring music and many moments when the Spirit seemed to be tapping me on the shoulder, saying, "that's for you."

I have had so many thoughts swimming around in my head and have wanted to share the feelings of my heart. To share everything would take too much time and would likely bore many of you. But there is one moment that keeps coming back to me and that is what I have decided to share with you.

Elder Wirthlin spoke yesterday about the wise advice of his mother to him when he was young, "Come what may, and love it." He talked about certain principles that will help us to find joy even in difficult times. One thing he spoke about that really hit me was understanding the principle of compensation. He said that every tear today will be returned a hundredfold with tears of joy and rejoicing.

As he expounded on this point, the image of my husband and children leapt into my mind. Eight years ago, I was going through the roughest time of my life. My divorce was almost final and my father had passed away. I was faced with being a single mom, going back to work, and an uncertain future, when I had thought I had known how my life would go. There were a lot of tears. But eight years later, the Lord has more than compensated for my sorrows. I have a husband who is good and kind and patient and loving beyond what I understood a husband could be. I have not just one, but three wonderful, joyful children and am looking forward to our new addition in the spring. I have a greater love for my Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ and a deeper appreciation for the atonement and temple covenants. And I have been witness to the faith and strength of an angelic mother who has not failed to live the gospel of Jesus Christ for one day, even in the face of heavy trials.

The kind and wise hand that dried my tears during the darkest times has also given me new tears to water my testimony -- tears of overwhelming joy and gratitude. The blessings of the Lord are indeed great and I do not have room to receive them.

Now Let Us Rejoice

I just returned from the General Relief Society Broadcast of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. What a magnificent, uplifting, and inspiring meeting it was! The words of love, comfort, encouragement, joy and the calls to action sank deep into my heart. What blessing in the world can compare to the blessing of hearing and receiving the word of God?

I feel so impressed to do more to fulfill the calling that I have to be a woman of the Lord. I must be bold, I must be compassionate, I must work, and I must have joy. I must be a light to others and a standard bearer. I must not be afraid to speak the truth and more importantly to live it.

There were so many great things said tonight and I wish I could quote them to you. But my memory is not that good. But I just want everyone within my sphere of influence to know that I know that God lives. I know He loves us. I know He has a plan for this world and for all of his children. I invite everyone I know to come learn these things for themselves. You too can know the truth; not just believe, but know. You too can experience the peace that the gospel brings. Don't waste another minute! Heed the Savior's call to come unto Him. I am so grateful for the many experiences I have in my life that remind me of the call and get me back on the path. I hope to see you all on it and then we can help each other along.

Three of the Reasons I Love My Life

Excellent Article from my Church

Especially love the section quoted below, but read the whole thing:

How Would Same-Sex Marriage Affect Society?

Possible restrictions on religious freedom are not the only societal implications of legalizing same-sex marriage. Perhaps the most common argument that proponents of same-sex marriage make is that it is essentially harmless and will not affect the institution of traditional heterosexual marriage in any way. “It won’t affect you, so why should you care?’ is the common refrain. While it may be true that allowing single-sex unions will not immediately and directly affect all existing marriages, the real question is how it will affect society as a whole over time, including the rising generation and future generations. The experience of the few European countries that already have legalized same-sex marriage suggests that any dilution of the traditional definition of marriage will further erode the already weakened stability of marriages and family generally. Adopting same-sex marriage compromises the traditional concept of marriage, with harmful consequences for society.

Aside from the very serious consequence of undermining and diluting the sacred nature of marriage between a man and a woman, there are many practical implications in the sphere of public policy that will be of deep concern to parents and society as a whole. These are critical to understanding the seriousness of the overall issue of same-sex marriage.

When a man and a woman marry with the intention of forming a new family, their success in that endeavor depends on their willingness to renounce the single-minded pursuit of self-fulfillment and to sacrifice their time and means to the nurturing and rearing of their children. Marriage is fundamentally an unselfish act: legally protected because only a male and female together can create new life, and because the rearing of children requires a life-long commitment, which marriage is intended to provide. Societal recognition of same-sex marriage cannot be justified simply on the grounds that it provides self-fulfillment to its partners, for it is not the purpose of government to provide legal protection to every possible way in which individuals may pursue fulfillment. By definition, all same-sex unions are infertile, and two individuals of the same gender, whatever their affections, can never form a marriage devoted to raising their own mutual offspring.

It is true that some same-sex couples will obtain guardianship over children –through prior heterosexual relationships, through adoption in the states where this is permitted, or by artificial insemination. Despite that, the all-important question of public policy must be: what environment is best for the child and for the rising generation? Traditional marriage provides a solid and well-established social identity to children. It increases the likelihood that they will be able to form a clear gender identity, with sexuality closely linked to both love and procreation. By contrast, the legalization of same-sex marriage likely will erode the social identity, gender development, and moral character of children. Is it really wise for society to pursue such a radical experiment without taking into account its long-term consequences for children?

As just one example of how children will be adversely affected, the establishment of same-sex marriage as a civil right will inevitably require mandatory changes in school curricula. When the state says that same-sex unions are equivalent to heterosexual marriages, the curriculum of public schools will have to support this claim. Beginning with elementary school, children will be taught that marriage can be defined as a relation between any two adults and that consensual sexual relations are morally neutral. Classroom instruction on sex education in secondary schools can be expected to equate homosexual intimacy with heterosexual relations. These developments will create serious clashes between the agenda of the secular school system and the right of parents to teach their children traditional standards of morality.

Finally, throughout history the family has served as an essential bulwark of individual liberty. The walls of a home provide a defense against detrimental social influences and the sometimes overreaching powers of government. In the absence of abuse or neglect, government does not have the right to intervene in the rearing and moral education of children in the home. Strong families are thus vital for political freedom. But when governments presume to redefine the nature of marriage, issuing regulations to ensure public acceptance of non-traditional unions, they have moved a step closer to intervening in the sacred sphere of domestic life. The consequences of crossing this line are many and unpredictable, but likely would include an increase in the power and reach of the state toward whatever ends it seeks to pursue.

The Storm Has Passed

Charlie and Josh both had a bit of trouble for a few days and Katie threw up yesterday morning, but everyone appears to be relatively healthy now.

WHEW!

It was horrible seeing Charlie in so much pain and so sad. He is such a sweet, happy baby and I just felt so frustrated that I could not make him better. But he seems to be all better.

As much as I hated to have them sick and as sad as I am that I basically have no more PTO for a while at work, I am so glad I was able to stay home and take care of my family on Wednesday. I wouldn't have wanted anyone else to do it -- not even Josh. When my children are sick, I want to be there, holding their hands and nursing them until they're all better. Being able to just hold Charlie in my arms for long stretches of time throughout the day and let him just nuzzle into my chest and find rest and comfort there was a great feeling. It's moments like that when I know that no one else on earth can take my place with my children and that they need me to be as present in their lives as possible.

Florence Nightingale

You: I wonder how Jess is doing today.

Me: Jess is at home nursing a husband and baby, both afflicted with a nasty stomach flu. When people are throwing up all over and diapers are exploding, that's not a good time to be without a washer and dryer. Sigh. Josh has turned a horrible shade of green, yet still manages to look as pale as death. He is also shaking and sweaty and has passed out twice. Charlie has cried more in the past two days than he has in the past 15 months. It makes me so sad to see him so unhappy and in pain.

How are you?

Just Pictures

Basketball stud

Alek and Lukas, cousins and friends

Charlie spaghetti face

Someone has seen Alek get mad before

Relaxing at Grandma's

Katie in the tub

Charlie in the tub

At my company picnic

Too cute

Just because she's pretty

Update

I'm so way behind on updating my blog with actual details about my life. Here is a quick update with pictures.

Way back in May, we had our first ever Young Women's Conference at the home of one of the YW leader's in-laws. The conference had a Star Wars theme and was a Friday/Saturday overnight conference. Friday we mostly just had fun -- ate dinner and s'mores, did karaoke, hung out and talked. Saturday we put the girls through the Jedi Academy. We visited different planets and locales around the galaxy and the girls unknowingly worked on their Personal Progress at each stop. The leaders were the Jedi Masters, complete with costume. It was a lot of work, but a total success and was so much fun.



The next big event was that Josh and I went to see Phantom of the Opera. Josh had seen the movie, but had never seen a live production (this was my 3rd time seeing it on stage). We bought tickets as our anniversary present last November, when tickets went on sale, and finally got to see the show in June. The guy who played the Phantom was AMAZING. Best Phantom ever. And we had a very fun date in the middle of the day (we saw a matinee on a Thursday).

Before the show

Me in my early birthday present

Alek also went to Cub Scout camp in June. The theme was "Cubs of the Round Table" and they did all these medieval-related activities. He had a BLAST.

Sir Alek the brave.

Jousting.

So, yeah, I had a birthday. My awesome in-laws helped me have a fantastic birthday by funding a date (Josh and I went to dinner and to see Wall-E) and my wonderful sister-in-law, Doreen, babysat our kids. Then Josh's parents went even further to help me have an awesome birthday by funding a birthday bash Josh had for me on my actual birthday. He invited a bunch of the young men and young women over and we ate pizza and played Karaoke Revolution and talked and had fun. And Josh finally gave me the birthday present I was supposed to get last year (a watercolor he painted for me). Totally worth the wait. Alek also gave me an awesome birthday gift -- the Brother Francis doll he made in school (they learned about saints and good-deed-doers from around the world this year). He sewed and knitted everything himself. Isn't that awesome?

My gift from Josh

My gift from Alek


My teenage friends at my party


Charlie loved my birthday cake


Katie looking adorable while waiting for cake

In July, we celebrated Alek's 9th birthday. His cousin Josselyn's birthday is just a few days after his, so we had a co-birthday party with the Barker clan. My sister-in-law, Olivia, made this totally adorable cake for my niece.

Josselyn's ladybug cake and flower garden cupcakes

Earlier that morning, I finally got around to figuring out what kind of cake I would make Alek. He looked through some options on a web site I found and decided he wanted a moon cake. He was happy with it, it was easy and fast, but it was pathetic looking, honestly -- especially compared to Liv's creation! Oh well. Not one of my talents, cake decorating.

Alek with his moon cake.

Alek had a great time at his party. He's so easy to please this one -- every present was wonderful (and there weren't that many, but you'd think he'd gotten the best haul in the world the way he acted), the cake was wonderful, the party was wonderful. He had no complaints, except he didn't want to go home at the end of the day. :) I'm one lucky mom.

Besides that, there is not much to report. Josh is getting ready to fall semester and is looking for a part-time job without success. I'm working on finding child care for Katie and Charlie while Josh is at school -- grandma is no longer an option. The summer has been fairly mild, the smoke from the fires finally cleared up and the Barker family is chugging along, happy with our lot.

A new piece by Josh

Read This

Recommended to me by my sister and now I am recommending it to all three people who read my blog. Sad, but so much of it rings true, especially after my Sunday School class' discussion of Alma Chapter 30 today.

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn's Address at Harvard in 1978.

Katie is so cute

What's a Slither?

Apparently, it has a snake body and eight feet. It's as long as my dining room wall and as wide as my dining room table. The babies are small enough to get into your house through the toilet. They have, according to Alek, "adjustable thumbs." The bottoms of their feet are sticky and the only part of their bodies without scales. They have spurs on the backs of their feet, like a rooster (I had no idea those were called spurs. Alek learned this on the farm, apparently.) They are very intelligent -- almost as intelligent as apes. They live in the water and eat other sea creatures. They can come on land, too.

But don't worry, they don't eat humans.

July 10, 1999

I'm a little late posting this. I meant to write yesterday about a very significant event -- Alek turned 9.


I've been trying to figure out all day what to say about my little boy. I don't know where to start.

Alek made me a mom. Alek made me grow up. Without Alek, I don't think I would have survived the worst time in my life. Not only did I survive, I smiled and laughed every day. Alek tells me stories and draws me pictures and makes me cards. Alek cries when I cry. Alek wants to spend time with me. Alek reads stories with me and plays board games with me and dances with me.



Alek has an amazing imagination. Alek is a great big brother. Alek is affectionate and funny. Alek idolizes his dad (Josh). Alek loves to learn. Alek loves to be outside. Alek has more energy than any other three children combined. Seriously.



Alek is very sensitive and can sometimes get upset easily. But he rebounds pretty quickly and easily about 99% of the time. He is a big believer in justice and in questioning everything I say to him.



When Alek believes in something, he defends it. He recently stood up for the right in a situation that would have been scary for just about anyone.



I love Alek. Happy Birthday, little guy. Sorry I don't know how to wax eloquent about you, but nothing I can say would even begin to cover it.

The Roots of Christianity

Stories like these astound me. See, in my life, there has never been any question at all whatsoever that the story of Christ's death and resurrection was part of ancient Judaic tradition. Christianity was not some new religion that sprung up after Christ's death; Judaism was Christianity and Christianity was Judaism. Although Christ had not yet come to earth, the Hebrew people worshiped him and looked forward to His coming. I mean, that is what the Old Testament is about. The animal sacrifices that were done were symbolic of Christ. The passover was symbolic of Christ. I've understood these things since my youth. The split between Judaism and Christianity occurred during Jesus's ministry, as people either accepted Him or rejected Him as the Messiah.

So for someone to suggest that a tablet written in Hebrew prior to Christ's birth that foretells the story of his death and resurrection is somehow going to shock me and make me question my theology is ludicrous. It confirms what I already know to be true -- that for thousands of years before His birth, Jesus Christ was prophesied of and His life, death and resurrection fulfilled those prophesies.

What does shock me is that theological history is so widely misunderstood, even (or maybe it is especially?) by so-called theological experts. Do other Christians really not understand and/or believe that their religion started way before the birth of Christ? If not, then why read the Old Testament? I honestly don't have the answers to those questions, so if any non-LDS (non-Mormon) Christians can enlighten me as to what is taught in other churches, I would appreciate it. Perhaps it is only these intellectuals who are shocked and not people of faith. Let me know.

Random Pictures on my PC

Charlie, in the early days of eating solid foods.

Katie's 2nd birthday.

Alek sipping non-existent tea, using the set that Katie got for her birthday.

A walk down memory lane -- look at how cute my husband is!

Latest Artwork by Josh

I really love this.

Taking a Stand

I support protecting the traditional definition of marriage and denounce the recent decision of the California Supreme Court allowing same sex couples to marry. This decision overrides the voice of the California people, who affirmed in 2000 that marriage should remain between a man and a woman.

For more information, please see:

http://newsroom.lds.org/ldsnewsroom/eng/commentary/california-and-same-sex-marriage

http://www.protectmarriage.com/why.php

Finding Courage, Healing and Strength

Life has just been too hard lately, lately being the past four or five months. I haven't been doing too well. I've been struggling with negative feelings and that has been exacerbating my problems, frankly. Although I know that, I find it difficult not to be negative. This is having no good effect on any of my relationships -- not with my family, my co-workers, my friends or with my Father in Heaven. This is a real problem, and, as with all problems, the first step to fixing it is recognizing it. Well, check. So what's the next step? Where do you go from there?

There's been some praying, some meditation, a lot of crying, some temple attendance, some efforts to serve and still my heart has mostly just felt -- hard. There's some anger and bitterness and a whole lot of fear there. I want so badly for all of that to just go away.

After all these months, I've finally realized some things.

A) Despite the efforts I am making to feel better, to feel more connected to the spirit and to Heavenly Father, I'm simply not doing enough. I lack consistency in my efforts and there are some basic, fundamental things I have to be doing on a regular basis if I want to feel better.

B) It's going to take some time. Patience is not a virtue I possess, and the Lord seems determined to help me possess it. So I must wait.

C) The most severe adversity I am facing at this time and that I face in general is not some circumstance I happen to find myself in -- it's me, my flaws, my weakness and, most especially, my pride. I have learned that the point of trials is not for us to overcome them, but for us to overcome ourselves, the natural man part of ourselves that holds us back and holds us down.

D) Although healing is not 100% complete and I probably won't feel like "myself" again for a while, the Lord mercifully allows me moments of relief, rewarding me for the paltry efforts I do make. And he sends me strength when I least expect it.

I had the opportunity to drive some young women home from girl's camp yesterday and because I drove Josh's car, I actually got to listen to some music in the car (my car stereo has been broken for almost four years). Music is amazing. I don't know what the language of God sounds like, but sometimes when I am listening to the right music I think I know what it feels like. Usually it's when I am listening to hymns or church music, but other music can stir my soul in the same way.

I was listening to the song "Pass the Cross to Me" from the musical Shenandoah. I was hoping to find the lyrics to share, but the lyrics for this show are apparently among the few pieces of information in the world that you cannot find online. It's just not the same without the music, though, and even if you heard the song, you would probably just scratch your head trying to figure out why it moved me so much. It was just the right song right then and I felt like I was being spoken to. Even now, thinking about it makes me cry. And I sang the words in full voice and they were a pledge, a prayer. And now I feel a little better and a little more ready to face the rough road ahead.

As I look back down the road of my life, it is littered with moments like these. The weight of the world is still on my shoulders, but it doesn't seem quite so heavy. Perhaps it is in these moments, I surrender and allow myself to be yoked with the Savior and allow Him to shoulder some of the load, instead of demanding that there be no load. And though almost all the work done is not being done by me, I feel strong, I feel brave and I feel whole.

Now that it's June . . .

I thought I should do a post about Charlie turning one on May 3.

In June of 2006, I was holding a 7 month old Katie in my arms while listening to a talk at church. Everything was going fine when it suddenly happened -- I got this feeling, this overwhelming feeling that I needed to have a baby. I thought, "Um, hello. I have a baby, actually, already. See? The one sleeping in my arms? I've got this covered." But the feeling would not go away.

And so I proceeded to get pregnant two months later, destined to have children who were a mere 18 months apart. Honestly, it's not the hardest gig in the world. My mom had 5 kids in 5 1/2 years. There are all these people running around who have 2,3, 6 kids at a time. Having two closely-spaced children and a much older one who is a terrific helper should not be all that scary. But I was terrified. Completely chicken. I admit that sometimes I did not feel all that happy about being pregnant.

These feelings persisted even after getting my first good look at the little tike and finding out for sure he was Charlie and not a Lucy. But the problem wasn't really the baby. It was me. I felt all wrong for the task at hand. Someone else should have been taking on the challenge of this new life. But it was a little late for that to be an option.

I alternated between being excited and just very, very anxious almost all the time. I didn't share my trepidation too much because it just felt wrong not to be elated all the time.

Finally, Charlie came into the world. Each labor is different and this one included some neat firsts for me. It was the first time I could feel my contractions to push (my epidurals in the past had been VERY effective); it was the first time I could feel my child coming out of my body; and it was the first time my baby was put onto my chest right away, before being whisked away for cleaning, measuring, etc.

As I think back on that experience, I cannot help but cry. I don't have the words to express the emotions that I felt as that life just slid out of my body and into the world. And then when they placed that little boy on my chest, all I could think was, "he's mine, he's mine." I knew Charlie belonged with me.

And now when I think back on all the fear I experienced before I met Charlie, it all seems like so much foolishness. There has never been an easier baby to care for in all the world. He started sleeping through the night at six weeks old. He barely ever cries. He is my only baby who was ever happy to just hang out in a bouncy seat. He eats everything (including anything he can find on the ground). He is mellow, laid back, and content. He can entertain himself without any seeming need for attention, but when there is playing afoot, he jumps in wholeheartedly, chasing brother and sister about and jumping on mom and dad.

And have I mentioned he's gorgeous? Nothing could have prepared me for what a handsome lad he would be. He was a cute baby, but the older he gets, the cuter he becomes.

And he is so loved. Katie and Alek adore him. Alek especially is so happy to have a little brother. And Charlie just lights up whenever Katie and Alek walk into a room. Besides teaching our children the gospel, I feel like the greatest gift Josh and I could have ever given them was each other. I'm so glad we did. And I hope we are not done with our giving.

I'm so grateful for that feeling that wouldn't go away, that feeling that I needed to cast aside my notions of the "right time" and trust in the Lord's timing. I can't imagine my life without Charlie and the joy that he brings. So a belated happy birthday to the boy who constantly reminds me that I'm much better off when I listen to the Lord instead of myself.

On his actual birthday.

His first taste of cake, at his party two days after his birthday. (It didn't turn him into a demonic monster, I just don't know how to fix the red eyes in photos yet.)

Charlie's puppy dog cake. Charlie reminds me of a dog so he got a puppy party.

And a video for good measure. On Charlie's actual birthday.

What Happens When You Stay Up Too Late?

You scroll through your sister's blog, looking at the faces of her beautiful children who you wish your kids could grow up with and cry over photographs of your siblings and parents who you miss terribly.

And then you write a post about it.

Interesting (Good) Day Today

I don't know if you guys know this, but I'm on the Events Planning Committee at work and am the chair of the Summer Event Subcommittee. We're having a barbecue and concert in the park at a local ball stadium and my committee members are working on the invitation. We decided it would be fun if the invitations were made to look like CDs, complete with cover art. Since the band that is playing is a 70s band, we found pictures of 70s groups to superimpose our faces onto. My friend and her son have been doing some photoshopping and this morning she sent me one of the pictures that is going to go on the invitation. Voila.

I don't think I've ever looked better.

This afternoon, a co-worker told me she thought for the longest time that I was 21. She couldn't believe that I had three kids. She said it seemed like I took really good care of myself. I was so happy.

And then my other co-worker said, "she has a baby face."

Call me crazy, but I don't consider that a compliment.

Oh well.

I came home tonight to a totally clean house, including a cleaned off dinner table (this is miraculous, by the way) which had been set for dinner. Within minutes I discovered that I was the guest of honor at a special dinner that Josh had made and that he and Alek had also bought me a card and a couple of gifts. There was no special occasion. They did all of it just to thank me for the things I do for them. Isn't that sweet? In general, Josh is not very good at noting holidays, but he will do nice, romantic things like this completely spontaneously.

Dinner was delicious and I got great gifts. I got this to put on my desk at work and remind me of my goofy family and this just because Josh knew I wanted it. The gesture was so nice that I barely even thought about how he shouldn't have spent the money. :)

Also, Alek finally completed his Bobcat for Cub Scouts today. Hooray!! Alek really is so excited. Now I just have to help him finish his Wolf badge before his birthday in July. I think I can, I think I can.

To top off a great evening, I got to play American Idol Karaoke Revolution for a little while and I sang this song in honor of my sisters. Now I have to put it on my MP3 player.